


Crazy for you

by sassaricando



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Difficult Decisions, Doctor/Patient, Drug Addiction, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22247149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassaricando/pseuds/sassaricando
Summary: “Okay, my name is doctor Bennett and I need you to sign this up and clear me back for work.”Doctor Lexi Howard was used to her patients' less than wise antics by now, 'cause being a psychiatrist had more downsides than she could've thought. But the bloody doctor had to be the most difficult one ever! Doctor Bennett was simply rude, she kept insulting her, called her other patients 'crazies', was infuriatingly beautiful and had a thing for storming in and out of her office as if she owned the place.Then why in God's name was Lexi even considering risking her license to treat such bratty woman?She couldn't fall in love with that insufferable doctor, it was against her own rules and would surely dent her reputation. So why was the woman so keen on flirting with her? And more important, why in hell was she suddenly agreeing to be her fake date?
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	1. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

**Author's Note:**

> In spite of her young age, Lexi Howard was one of New York’s most respected psychiatrists, so it was normal that she was the best pick for wealthy people struggling with any type of addiction or mental disorder. It explained why some wicked person advised doctor Bennett to her care as a mean to make the shrink pay for her sins because that woman couldn’t possibly be more annoying – or charming – as she stormed into her office demanding to have her medical clearance signed, refusing proper treatment and nosily digging into her private life.
> 
> Or so she thought, until the moment doctor Bennett asked her to be her fake date to her sister’s modeling debut at her ex-fiancée’s, an haute couture designer, fashion show.
> 
> As doctor Bennett proved to be a challenge to treat whenever the subversive woman made the young therapist blow her professional boundaries to hell week after week, Lexi felt that not only her license was at risk, but also her heart.

“Doctor Howard, your 5 pm is here.” Her secretary said through the phone and Lexi took a moment to heave a deep sigh and massage her temples to keep her from banging her head against her table.

Mister Marcus Stewart had been particularly stressful that afternoon with his endless complaints about his wife and his mistress extorting money from him. Between calling his unfortunate spouse a dumb bitch and his paramour a gold digger – his words, not hers – Marcus managed to offend her very feminist soul and it was a trial not to throw the man through her penthouse office’s window. One that she was both proud and ashamed of.

Poor women who had to deal with her obtuse prick of a patient.

And what was that about rich people being so stingy?

Well, they did pay her well enough and it would seriously damage her reputation if one of her patients, although a very misogynistic one, happened to mysteriously fall from the sky in the middle of a therapy session.

So Lexi decided to let her judgments rest for a moment and, with another deep breath, she told her secretary to let her next patient in as she opened a brand-new notebook and prayed to God that whoever was about to come in, to please let them be a decent one, she was so fed up of dealing with assholes for the day.

She was still picking up her pen when a dark-skinned woman marched inside her office with a deep scowl, wrinkled clothes and waving a paper in her right hand.

Of course, her prayers fell on deaf ears.

“Okay, my name is doctor Bennett and I need you to sign this up and clear me back for work.” Lexi resigned herself to simply look at the angry woman with curiosity because her demand was so disrespectful that surely the therapist had to be mistaken. It was probably caused by the stress, she needed to rest more, like Cassie said. “Hello, did you hear me there?” Doctor Bennett was waving at her face as if she was speaking to a mentally ill person and such joke wasn’t lost on Lexi. “Oh, great! Of course, they would send me to see a deaf crazy shrink! It’s just my fucking luck.” Lexi blinked some more.

It was hard to decide whether to be appalled, annoyed or downright insulted by the woman.

Lexi decided then that being a therapist was way more tiring than people let on.

Instead, she put on a blank face and approached the topic carefully in a sure, if not a little stern, voice.

“Miss Bennett, I-“

“It’s _doctor_ Bennett!” The woman said with fury and she had to control the urge to roll her eyes.

Surgeons were a nightmare to deal with.

God help her!

“Well, _doctor_ Bennett, I would ask you to sit for a while as we talk about what brings you here to-“

“I’ve already told you: I _need_ you to sign this crap and clear me back for surgery.” The white paper was angrily waved at her face again. Lexi sighed, trust this mad woman to imply such a demand when she was supposed to be the patient. “Well?” Not one to be ignored, the curly haired doctor crossed her arms and started an infuriating tapping of foot as she glared at Lexi with hot angry eyes.

Good God! What a day!

“Let me see it.” Still, she decided to entertain the patient and read the forsaken paper. And, true to what was written, in order to be accepted back at the hospital she worked at, the grumpy woman would need to have at least fifteen therapy sessions and go to twenty NA meetings. Oh, well! “I’m sorry, doctor Bennett, but it says here that you need to come to at least fifteen therapy sessions and only after that I can sign your medical clearance. If you are to make any progress, of course.”

If it was even possible, the woman’s glare turned murderous.

“No, I want you to clear me now.” It was said in a low and frightening voice that had Lexi taking her glasses off and rising from her chair to face her.

The rational part of her brain should have been scared of the insane woman, but after the bloody day she just had, there was no way in hell she would let this spoiled indecorous doctor treat her like yesterday’s garbage.

“Unfortunately, that’s not how I work here, miss Bennett-“

“ _Doctor Bennett!_ ” Lexi all but ignored the furious retort.

“So, I’ll give you two options, _doctor:_ you either turn on your heels and go find another therapist to harass and blackmail. Or you commit yourself to your treatment in order to heal your way back to work. It’s your choice.” She said with hard eyes and the woman, who was taller than her, looked taken aback for a moment before narrowing her eyes. “Whoever gave you my name should have said that I value my license and my profession too much to do something like that, regardless of your demands. So, if that’s all, I would advise you to find some other psychiatrist, however unethical they may be, to bribe them into signing your clearance.” At that, the woman’s eyes were so narrowed that Lexi was uncertain if she was even seeing anything. “Otherwise, I’d be glad to be your psychiatrist.”

With that said, Lexi sat down and simply looked at the woman’s enraged face, almost seeing smoke going out of her ears.

Doctor Bennett looked outraged while they had their senseless staring contest, but her eyes were so alive that Lexi decided to hide behind her glasses for fear of being sucked into that piercing stare forever.

Well, that was new.

Not the part where a patient glared at her face with explicit fury, but the part of getting lost inside a patient’s eyes and what it could possibly mean.

At least, _doctor Bennett_ decided to find another soul to pester and turned on her heels with a loud “Fuck you, I’m out!” as she marched out of the room like a child throwing a tantrum. It was better that way.

“Have a nice day, doctor Bennett.” Still, Lexi said to her closing door.

The therapist sighed in relief as soon as her door was slammed shut with a loud thud. One less bothersome patient to treat. And, well, after that freak show, she was free for the day.

Small victories, they said.

* * *

Another hellish Thursday was coming to an end when Alice, her secretary, said that her 5 pm appointment was there. It almost made the young shrink cry with both exhaustion and relief for having that dreadful day almost over.

Between Marcus endlessly pacing around the office as he badmouthed every single woman who ever walked on God’s green earth because his cheating ass couldn’t keep it in his bloody pants; after Mrs. Robertson, or Janet as she liked to be called because _‘Mrs. Robertson makes me feel old, do I look old to you, doctor Howard?’,_ decided to share her long list of protests about her dyke of a daughter – the woman’s words, of course – who was now dating _a very tattooed butch with a goddamn motorcycle, like a twisted and lesbian version of Grease_. And let’s not forget Mister Steve Morgan, an elderly man with a flair for younger girls who now had the hots for his 17-years-old student, which almost made Lexi call the cops on him after hearing such indecency, her day was all kinds of doomed.

So, it was easy to say that she was morally affronted, exhausted and fucking appalled at how she managed to deal with every single creeper in New York at the same day.

After hearing misogynistic moans, homophobic laments, pedophile views that twisted her guts and one Mister Edward Johnson hitting on her and asking for a date all through his appointment, it was easy to say that she was more scandalized than ever and oh so ready for a hot bath and a cold beer to take her mind out of such horrible day.

But, never one to be lucky, there was still another patient to go.

Lexi sighed and prayed to heavens that this one could be a little less difficult than _doctor_ Bennett. God had to help her.

Just to think about the infuriating woman started a migraine behind her eyes and she had to take an aspirin with a glass of water before finally facing whoever was about to come in.

After a tired “Send them in.” to her secretary, Lexi found out that there was no God above. Or even if there was, such entity hated her fiercely because storming back into her office was the one and only doctor Bennett, all ready to finish screwing her already cursed day over.

Fucking hell!

She almost opened her cabinet and took another aspirin for the upcoming conflict that was about to come, but seeing that she was the one treating people with addiction, Lexi decided against it.

She also didn’t want the woman to know how much she managed to get the therapist angry after their last discussion.

“Oh! Hello, doctor Bennett. It’s a surprise to see you again.” Lexi Howard was many things, some things may be considered a little unbecoming, but ungracious was not one of those.

Of course, the addressed woman rolled her eyes. Doctor Bennett was downright rude like that.

Well, to Lexi’s surprise, as ungraciously as she could, the dark-skinned woman still sat down on the couch with a bored expression. It got the psychiatrist so shocked that she took a moment to cross her office to sit in her chair face to face with her grumpy patient.

A few minutes went by in complete silence as Lexi decided to analyze the woman’s posture and attire. To see if at least she could learn something about the sullen brunette like this.

Few things were discovered such as:

One: Doctor Bennett was a spoiled bratty bitch. But Lexi already knew that.

Two: The woman suffered from anxiety, if her shaking legs and bitten nails were anything to go by.

Three: She had money. Because, although she didn’t spare a moment to choose her clothes, the doctor still wore an expensive looking button-down and tailored baby blue jeans with a clean pair of vans and a shining watch. A red tie finished the woman’s RBD’s lost member attire and it was such a bizarre combo that Lexi was sure anyone else dressed like that should have been afraid of being committed to a mental institution.

Instead, doctor Bennett looked like she owned the look, as if she was just modeling for a weird photo shoot. The strange attire covered her slim figure so blatantly beautifully that was it all kinds of petrifying.

‘Cause there was this insolent doctor sprawled on her couch with another deep scowl wrinkling her features but she still looked like a runway model. A very disrespectful and brooding one at that, but a model nonetheless.

Four: The woman gave off a vibe of being standoffish enough, but deep down she was very afraid to trust anyone. Perhaps it was a trauma. Lexi gathered from the way she was nervously looking around without holding her gaze for long.

Five: She was-

“So, are you going to stare at my face for the rest of our hour?” Rude. She was very rude. But Lexi was determined to get through this woman either way. Whichever way this woman decided to talk back to her, doctor Howard wasn’t breakable.

Okay, she was down to her wits’ end after such cursed Thursday, but doctor Bennett didn’t need more ammunition to annoy her.

“I’m going to introduce myself first.” The psychiatrist said and took a deep breath, looking straight at her patient’s face behind her glasses. “My name is Lexi Howard. What’s yours?” There was no need to go for titles or anything that could possibly give a superior air right now, or so Lexi thought.

“I’ve already told you, I’m doctor Bennett.” She said with a roll of eyes as if the smaller woman was being dense on purpose. “Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor or something?” The woman asked with curiosity right until her eyes got comically wide and her mouth shot open, probably signaling a discovery. Certainly a wrong discovery at that. “Oh, but you’re not even a doctor yet? Jesus! I’m going to fucking murder Kat!” In spite of revealing a violent wish to commit homicide, Lexi simply kept her mouth shut because something said that this odd woman was venting to herself. “How come out of every single psycho in New York I got assigned to one who doesn’t even have a license?” Okay, now it was getting way too insulting to let it pass- “How old are you, kid? Is this your dad’s office?” At that, Lexi _had_ to roll her eyes. This woman was beyond insufferable.

Why didn’t she take the other aspirin when she could?

“I am a very respected psychiatrist, doctor Bennett, this is _my_ practice and I’m not about to share my age with a patient.” After that, she took a deep breath. It was of no use to get angry with patients. Even with one who had a tendency of making her want to poke her eyes off with a knife.

“Huh? Are you sure?” But still, Lexi was going to open an exception for this excruciating woman’s case. After the day she just had, Lexi wasn’t about to play nice with someone so rude as doctor Bennett. “Because you don’t look that old enough for that.” Her patient asked with an infuriating smirk and a raised eyebrow as she crossed her legs and arms to glare at the tired woman who was simply trying to do her bloody work.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, doctor Bennett.” She said instead and crossed her legs as well. “Feel free to take a walk around the room and see if you can find my license and my diploma hanging on the wall.” Doctor Bennett glared at her face but did just that, probably because she couldn’t back down from a challenge.

Also because she surely wanted to prove Lexi wrong.

Either way, the shrink just waited there. It was her moment to catch a break from such challenging patient. And in her free moment, Lexi opened her notebook to write down what she previously found out about the woman and a single question:

_Why was Doctor Bennett in need of therapy and being advised to go to NA meetings?_

“Oh! So, you’re also a surgeon?” For the very first time, Lexi heard something other than anger or disdain coloring the woman’s voice. It was a shocking change, but she still rolled her eyes. Trust surgeons to believe that whoever didn’t cut a person open was beneath them.

“General surgeon, yes.” Lexi said as the RBD wannabe sat back on the couch with amazed eyes. It was a strange expression on Bennett’s face, the woman looked softer somehow. Much younger than before. “I don’t do surgeries anymore though, as you may have already assumed.” She didn’t know why she said that, but the way she was being stared at was slightly disconcerting.

Maybe Lexi needed a psychiatrist as well, ‘cause here was she missing the angry glare she was receiving from her patient moments ago.

“And why is that?” The woman asked with curiosity and Lexi sighed.

Those were the most difficult patients, the ones she had to open up first to gain their trust. And only after that she could start treating them.

Still, it meant that one of her observations was right: Doctor Bennett truly had trust issues.

Well, if she was really going to treat this bizarre woman, she might as well do her job correctly and try to create a bond with her. And between every creeper she was forced to deal that day as she still kept her sanity in the end, perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad to try reaching out to doctor Bennett.

Only if the woman somehow managed to be a wrap of pedophile, homophobic, misogynist and indecent on top of being just a rude bitch.

But as soon as that particular thought hit her, Lexi decided to shut it out. She couldn’t be _that_ unlucky.

“Because I believe that medicine is more than cutting someone open, closing them and sending them off. Of course, it is important to fix the injuries of the body. But, in my view, as much as it is imperative to have a healthy body, there’s no way to live a happy life without a healthy mind to guide us.” She said with sincerity, still looking at the woman in front of her. “Besides, the worst traumas are inside our heads, ‘cause the body can heal itself after surgical intervention, but the mind too needs proper care to command the organism into healing.”

After her presidential speech, Lexi decided to drink some water because the woman’s eyes were burning a hole into her skull.

Doctor Bennett really had a pair of piercing eyes.

Still, no swears were out of the woman’s mouth, so Lexi counted that as a blessing.

“Wow! That’s…” She stopped her sentence there and Lexi arched an eyebrow already expecting a blow to come. “It really does make sense. It’s a nice way to see life as well.” That was… Surprising. Endearing in a way, but very astonishing to hear it coming from a mouth that only insulted her so far. “So, how old are you, doc?” It was asked in another tone, one yet to be heard from the woman. Was doctor Bennett being playful with her?

Probably. ‘Cause her eyes were twinkling with mischief and she had a smirk on her lips. The first one that didn’t look like a sneer. It looked like development.

“I told you, I don’t divulge my age, doctor Bennett.” But she had to keep a professional distance from her patients, it was imperative in order to treat them to full recovery not to delve much into her own life.

And, after facing Edward's unbearable pick-up lines, Lexi was frightened with sharing anything about herself and having that information biting her in the ass on later sessions. That man was a manipulative asshole through and through.

“Come on! Not even if I give you my full name?” Doctor Bennett asked with sparkling eyes and what could be called a very friendly, if not a little too charming to be safe, smile and the therapist sighed again.

Two could play this bantering game.

“For the way you keep correcting me, doctor Bennett, I was almost sure that your first name had to be ‘doctor’.” She said with an arched eyebrow and for the very first time, her bad-tempered patient grinned and gave a little laugh.

So, another information Lexi gathered about the woman: the tall brunette liked to be challenged and responded better to divulging information about herself whenever she learned something in return.

“Okay, let’s put it like this: I’ll give you my name and agree to be psychoanalyzed if you tell me your age and where did you graduate.” Just as she presumed, her patient now sported a very relaxed stance, full with glinting eyes and open smile. “Deal?” Bennett asked and Lexi pretended to consider it for a minute.

In some way, she already knew that Miss Bennett didn’t like the easy things or to feel as if she had lost the upper hand, no matter the circumstance.

“Deal.” After a beat or two, the therapist conceded and saw a full beam taking over the woman’s features. And, God, she had a very beautiful smile. “I’m twenty-nine.” She said because, well, Lexi wasn’t there to admire her patient’s beauty, it was more than uncalled for – it was absolutely unethical!

“Wow!” Doctor Bennett whispered in wonder after giving her a once-over that was _very deeply_ unethical as well. “You are young!” She finished with a nod and a proud smile, as if the psychotherapist had passed whatever test her patient had in mind.

This woman was proving not only to be challenging in the matters of offering treatment to, but also in the matters of keeping a safe and professional distance from, it seemed.

“And your name is?” Lexi, after a long deep breath, asked in what she wished to be a nonchalant voice, still staring at her beaming patient and trying way too damn hard to keep her face from getting red because of the intense stare she was receiving.

“I’m doctor…” The brunette said and wetted her lips with a smirk that made Lexi roll her eyes. She probably knew what she doing as the psychiatrist was commanding her brain to sit still and wait for it. “Rue Bennett.” It was said in her face because suddenly her patient, _doctor_ Rue Bennett, got up and marched at her offering a hand in a way too polite gesture to come from the said woman. “Nice to meet you, _doc_.” Rue Bennett’s smirk was teasing, engulfed by what the therapist could call as flirty vibes.

It kind of surprised Lexi so much that she took a few seconds to shake the feeling of crossing the professional lines after her patient arched a very manicured eyebrow at her face as she waited for the shrink’s brain to be wired back to life.

“Nice to meet you, doctor Rue Bennett.” Still, Lexi shook the offered hand after getting up as well and finished that awkward introduction with a small smile and a nod of head. Doctor Bennett, of course, rolled her eyes pleasantly and the paler woman’s grin grew bigger.

Perhaps, doctor Bennett wouldn’t be the worst patient that happened to her Thursday.


	2. She said: hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi was down to the most draining Thursday she had endured so far. She was sad and tired and her patience was wearing thin.  
> But then came doctor Bennett who had this odd way of lifting her spirits in spite of her crude vocabulary and very aloof nature.
> 
> There was just something about the doctor that made the young therapist feel so safe it was almost terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for suicide attempt and a few sensible topics as well.

The following Thursday had Lexi so bloody tired that even her most difficult patients figured that she was way too drained to deal with their common nonsense without sharing a few sharp views.

Well, it wasn’t as if she didn’t give them a worrying amount of advice here and there every session – that they gladly ignored –, because that was her job after all. Lexi wasn’t the kind of therapist to only hear her patients talking in circles about repeating the same harmful behavior over and over again. But, after all, not everyone listened, of course. Especially the ones she had on Thursday – those were the densest human beings she had the misfortune of treating.

And it came from someone who attended at a psychiatric hospital just the day before, so you can all imagine how exhausting those rich folks could be.

It all started with an offensive and sick pick-up line from Edward that had Lexi breathing down his neck and berating the indecent man in such an annoyed voice that even the young therapist was surprised at the tone she used.

Of course, he deserved every bit of it. Either way, she didn’t like to be the one calling him out.

_“Mister Johnson, I’m not sure what you believe I’m here for, but let me tell you this, I am truly not here for your entertainment, so I’d advise you to look for another shrink if you are up to spend both our times with senseless flirting and unwanted dinner invitations because my diploma isn’t a decor on my wall.” She said in a mix of irritation and tiredness._

_“Lexi, I’m sorry I-“_

_“You may call me doctor Howard and, right now, I’m very much done with our therapy sessions. So, here is a list with a few good colleagues, all man, who can clearly help you better than I do, seeing that you cannot respect me as a woman or a doctor.”_

_Truth be told, the thing about Edward that bothered her the most was that he considered himself as a gift that kept on giving. As if all women out there were just dying to be the apple of his eye. Unfortunately, it included her._

_“What’s it? Are you firing me?”_

_“As a matter of fact, I quit being your therapist.”_

To say that it didn’t end very well was an understatement. But at least Edward didn’t make any more unsolicited advances on her as he took his merry way out of her office. After his tour of apologies and a few angry tears, of course. Anyway, it was over and done.

One bastard down, another three to go.

(And doctor Bennett, if the woman decided to come.)

Next came Janet with her homophobic blabbering as Lexi did every breathing exercise she ever watched on YouTube to keep her nerves at bay.

To no avail.

Then, after the preppy bitch used such a degrading vocabulary to refer to her own daughter, Lexi decided it was enough. That array of vernacular wasn’t worth of the controlling woman’s money.

 _“Well, I’d like to ask you something, Janet.” At the middle-aged woman’s surprised face, Lexi decided to continue. “Why are you so against your daughter’s relationship? Why can’t you see Amanda as a free woman who has a right to decide which path to choose?” Of fucking course Janet was simply_ livid _to hear it._

 _“How can you ask me such thing, doctor Howard? Weren’t you paying attention when I told you that Mandy is nothing but a kid who’s being controlled by_ that _dyke? Because you surely should know by now-“_

_“Janet, Amanda is a 22-year-old adult who can choose her sexual partners to her best interests and if she is in love with Marion, it’s her right to be with her.”_

_“How can you say that? She doesn’t know a thing about the world or about what that dyke-“_

_“If you are claiming that she doesn’t know a thing about the world until now, then whose fault is that? Because I can only believe it’s yours for trying to control your daughter’s life to your own best interests.”_

The face the woman made after hearing it was certainly an Oscarworthy one, such was the insult she managed to convey.

Oh well, it looked like Lexi just lost two patients, what a fucking shame!

_Then came the pedophile son of a bitch of a patient and before he started to talk about little Sarah, the tiny psychiatrist said that “I’m sorry to tell you that, Steve, but as far as our doctor-patient confidentiality goes, if Sarah’s parents happen to place a lawsuit against you, I would be forced to show in court every note I have about our appointments. So, as your therapist and a person who cares about you and your career, I would advise you to not pursue anything with a minor, much less one of your students, can you understand me?”_

Well, at the very least the man looked so scared that all he did was to nod endlessly at her and soon enough he was back to weeping over his ex-wife who had an affair with her yoga teacher.

At least it was better for both of them – not much for Steve, but she wasn’t about to let a girl be pursued by an old man who never got over his ex running away with a younger man. In fact, Lexi wasn’t going to let a young woman be pursued by an elderly man ever, but anyway, figures.

Soon enough she was face to face with Marcus and to say this was a tiring session would still fall short. The man, besides being an obtuse misogynist fucker, was very thickheaded and saw himself as a martyr, so advising him was as tiring as talking to a brick wall.

And Lexi was already nursing such a strong headache even after swallowing two aspirins, it was easy to say that the small therapist was on a roll that day.

You see, Lexi wasn’t a bitchy person. Not quite and not really. But after she faced such a nightmarish night and was rolling on coffee, stress and a mildly crisis, it was safe to say that she had already bit more than she could chew in terms of dealing with everybody’s dull prejudices.

And, yes, she knew that it came with her diploma giving attention to people, hearing their problems and needs, prescribing meds to help them dealing with difficult situations, it was all fair game after all. What really wasn’t endorsed by her profession was being called in the middle of the night to save one of her patients, to stitch someone’s deep bleeding cuts and to nurse them back to health. However, when said patient was an 11-year-old child who had attempted to commit suicide… Well, it was a little more than shitty and left her with a sour taste in her mouth.

One that she hoped to assuage with a few beers and a good cry. Also sleeping because she was completely drained in every possible way.

First because she hated blood and Daniel was bleeding just so fucking much because, of course, the boy would try to kill himself in his parents’ bathtub, where in hell did he learn that? Second because she was the boy’s therapist, she wasn’t the one supposed to stitch his arms kneeling down in his parents’ bathroom at two in the goddamn morning.

So, no, doctor Howard wasn’t excusing her less than polite behavior by any means, but it was safe to say that after a long doomed night all bathed in blood after she tended to her patient’s wounds and rushed to the nearest hospital with a kid her height in the arms and desperate parents hot on her heels as she demanded clearance to accompany his case until he was stable, the therapist was way too short-tempered to deal with Marcus bitching and moaning about women and money.

_“Marcus, why don’t you file a divorce and pay Samara whatever she’s asking?” Lexi asked because she was true to God confused as well. And, yes, she knew that being the one outside of the situation gave her an advantage that her patients usually didn’t have, but still. Some of her patients seemed so keen on following the same damaging path over and over again that it was a mystery to her how some of them still kept going._

_Either way, she knew more than she wished to about depression and anxiety and how both illnesses together managed to cloud someone’s judgments enough that things, more often than not, seemed out of reach. Like healthiness looked like a delusion seen through a water glass and an out of the cards gift for them._

_Still, after attending Marcus for more than three years, give or take, it still bothered her that he refused to try and change his ways and instead dived in one abusive relationship after another as he mirrored every hurtful thing that had been done to him in his every relationships down to perfection._

_However, for reasons unknown, she liked the 36-years old fucker just too much. In spite of being a misogynist creeper, he was a naive man. Unfortunately, he seemed to be only repeating his father’s sins. And, well, she had enough of that._

_“Because I’ll lose everything I own if I do that, Lexi! Can’t you understand it? If I do file a divorce Brienne will have half of my company, she’ll take my house and whatever the fuck she wants. That’s unfair! And then will come Samara to take whatever’s left of everything I own!”_

_Marcus was still pacing back and forth like a caged animal as he messed with his pristine hair in a fury._

_That was the thing about people so full of rage and hate: they often hated themselves just as much, if not more, as they hated everybody else._

_“Isn’t it a small price to be paid for your peace of mind, Marcus?” She asked and he glared at her face as if she was encouraging him to commit a crime._

_“And how will I live, Lexi? I’ll be poor, I’ll lose everything and-“_

_“The company’s your father’s, Marcus.”_

_“Yeah, and I’ll fucking drag his forsaken name in the dirty!”_

_Another thing about Marcus Stewart was that he suffered every kind of abuse by his father’s hands. But, as every abused child out there, he still kept that cursed man on a pedestal. That was why she excused most of his behavior, because she understood it to a point. The man was so full of shame and hated himself so fiercely that it was a blessing that he was still alive._

_One that she kept on counting and, as much as she sometimes wanted to throw him out of a bloody window, she was still glad that he refused to play the victim – even when he was one._

_“Let me be very clear with you here, Marcus. And I’ll tell you that because I do care about you, even when you are often a misogynist prick.” At that, the man who was spinning around like a Beyblade stopped dead in his tracks. “My last 36 hours had been the most gruesome I had endured so far, so that’s why I’m apologizing in advance.” She nodded and he swallowed loudly, probably afraid of what was about to come his way. “Your father’s name belongs in the dirt. Hell! Your father should have been behind bars if the laws were to be applied to white rich man as strictly as they are applied to the poor colored ones. And I know that you know that as well.” Marcus by then was so shocked that he was mute. It had to be the first time in years. “August Stewart was a racist, an abuser, a violent and unscrupulous man and what he did to you is something so rotten and perverse that he shouldn’t have done to any person, let alone his own son.” You see, any other day, Lexi would have stopped there because her patient was so distraught that he was flexing his jaw in shame and furiously wiping the tears in his eyes. Unfortunately, the young doctor was done with sugarcoating shit about the man’s fucking father. “So, for both our sake and Brienne’s and Samara’s too, I think you should end this hurtful circle of abusing and being abused right now. Pay whatever they ask and set yourself free from them and from the looming vulture of August as well. You do deserve to be happy, Marcus. Even when you don’t think you do.”_

_A few minutes went by and Lexi was expecting insults and curses to be yelled at her face, instead:_

_“I won’t be able to pay for our therapy sessions if I do that.” The man said in such a small voice that a part of her wished she could walk to him and hug his worries away. She settled for a sad smile._

_“Don’t worry about it, we will figure something out.” He nodded as he hid his face behind his hands and took deep breaths._

_“What happened to you?” After cleaning his face from every trace of tears and anger, he asked and she sighed._

_It was daunting how she liked her most fucked-up patients more. They were challenging, difficult, said despicable things about people and sometimes they made her want to put a bullet into her own brain, but the thing they had in common – even Janet, the homophobic and Steve, the one with pedophile flairs – they cared._

_Not only about her, she wasn’t selfish to admire a person just because of that. They cared about everything and everyone. Deep down, wrapped in layers of prejudice and twisted desires, those people felt so deeply, so much of everything that they couldn’t handle themselves. They didn’t know how to address those feelings, how to act on them, so they did shitty things; they said creepy crap as well._

_Maybe that was a curse of capitalism. When you are only worth of whatever you own, most people hid behind masks and were so used to swallowing their feelings not to be seen as weak that it guided them to their self-destructive behavior._

_It was truly sad and maddening that she couldn’t save them all. That she couldn’t tell Janet that this wasn’t the fucking 40’s and her daughter could date a girl instead of enduring a loveless marriage with a cheating piece of shit of a husband for the sake of society. Like Janet herself did all those years._

_That she couldn’t tell Steve that he could care about his students without objectifying them and it wouldn’t make him less of a man just because of that. That whatever his ex-wife had done to him didn’t define him. That even when she went to a guy 20 years younger than her, he didn’t need to do the same to prove his manliness._

_That Marcus could be gay in spite of being constantly beaten into being straight by his twisted father._

_“I spent the night nursing one of my patients who wasn’t as strong as you, Marcus.” Even when she didn’t tell him the gory details, Lexi saw the moment when he understood her words. It would be hard not to, because he cried like a child as soon as he figured out what she said. “So, believe me when I say it,_ you are a strong man who deserves to be happy _, Marcus. And, please, do it for both of us, okay? Be happy in spite of whatever has been done to you. Be happy just because it will drive everyone nuts over it.”_

_She should have been ashamed for tearing up with a patient. She would have been any other day, but as he nodded so childishly and full of hope, Lexi didn’t mind it much that she decided to open up with a patient that Thursday._

_If they managed to come back next week, then she would see if she’d apologize for her sharp tone or not._

_“Thank you, Lexi. I guess I needed to hear it.” Marcus said with a small smile and she nodded right before giving him a warm hug._

_She was crossing the lines, she knew that, but after what happened to Daniel, Lexi Howard was ready to blow everything to pieces if it meant that she wouldn’t lose another patient. She still had nightmares with Justin’s neck all twisted with a rope around it._

_No, she wouldn’t go there. She simply couldn’t, not today, not on top of everything she had already dealt with. Lexi had her hands full with new patients and they were still here, they were still going to come back to her office._

_And if they didn’t, then hopefully they’d find a therapist better suited to treat their cases._

So, she was down to her third aspirin of the day when Alice said the frightening sentence:

“Doctor Howard, your 5 pm is here.” It was said in a somber and quiet voice, probably because her secretary was still afraid for Daniel. And possibly afraid for Lexi as well, seeing that the doctor dragged herself to work all covered in blood that morning, as if she had just escaped one of Jigsaw’s deranged torture.

But there was no rest for the wicked, huh? And it meant that she was about to face _doctor_ Bennett.

Oh God!

You see, by the end of doctor Bennett’s last session, they somehow were kind of good, with a little understanding about one another and, if not for the woman’s crude vocabulary or nosy tendencies, last session would be considered a win in Lexi’s book. However, she was still mystified at the woman’s antics. And there was no denying that doctor Bennett could simply backtrack to insult her ‘cause she gave off some bipolar vibes.

Could it be that doctor Bennett was bipolar? She surely would need to further observe her patient before coming to a conclusion.

Anyway, she poured herself some coffee to kick the aspirin into motion and to keep herself from falling asleep – although she believed that it would be impossible to sleep through a session with that maddening woman. And she was going to visit Daniel afterwards, so in spite of being drained both emotionally and physically, she had to put her best calm face and just keep going.

“Send them in, Alice.” She didn’t know if doctor Bennett was even her patient at this point, perhaps she was about to face someone even more demanding than the woman, considering her twisted luck…

Oh, good God help her!

But no. Through the door marched a very composed doctor Bennett and Lexi was still unclear about it being a good or a bad sign.

Until she heard a:

“Fuck, doc! You look like shit.” All Lexi managed to do was to blink at the tall woman’s face in astonishment. Crap! She probably looked like she fought a bus and lost if her appearance arose such rude comment from doctor Bennett. Then she looked down at her clothes and yeah… Her attire was one she favored using on Friday’s, as she attended children, so it was less formal and a lot comfier ‘cause she usually sat down with them and had a more ludic approach whatsoever. But as she went to work covered in blood – a scene that almost gave Alice a heart attack – she had to shower and use whatever she had at the office. Which explained why she was wearing a white converse, ripped jeans and a simple white shirt. Okay that she wasn’t wearing her working oxfords or any button-down, but was her look that strange? “What happened?”

Then she looked at her patient who was already sitting on her couch with a worried expression. Oh! Maybe it was her face that looked pitiable. Lexi had no make-up and probably looked as tired as she felt.

Still, right in front of her was doctor Bennett looking at her with her pair of piercing eyes, calm but concerned. That was strange, but who was she to say anything?

“I’m sorry, I just had a long night, doctor Bennett.” She said and took a sip of her coffee.

“Rue.” Doctor Bennett said with a sigh and Lexi arched an eyebrow at her. “You can call me Rue, doc.” Oh! That was surprising… Were they really making progress or was Lexi just looking so fucked that her patient felt sorry for her? “Long night, huh? Was it steamy as well?”

She couldn’t control her laugh at the woman’s wiggle of eyebrows or at the insanity of her question.

Ha sex! She had no idea what that was anymore. Such good things simply didn’t happen to her.

“Oh! I wish, but no.” Why the fuck was she telling that to a patient? Jesus Christ! “It was just exhausting in a bad way.” Whatever, she was blaming that on the aspirins. Or the coffee. Or the lack of sleep. Or maybe it was doctor Bennett’s fault.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear it, is everything okay with you or your family?” Doctor Bennett crossed her legs and rested her hands on top of it. A very formal posture. Also, a strange one coming from a woman who just last session was sprawled like a starfish on the very same couch.

“Yes, it is. Thanks for asking, doct-, I mean, Rue.” Lexi corrected herself as soon as an eyebrow was arched at her, which made her sigh. “I had a patient in need, that’s all.” No need to divulge information about Daniel anyway.

“Oh! And is this patient of yours okay now?” Strangely enough – everything about doctor Bennett gave her that vibe – she felt like the patient in one of the dark-skinned woman’s therapy sessions and it was… Well, weird. Terrifying. But kind of soothing in a way. The doctor who commonly glared at her face now looked at her with soft eyes. That scene was very bizarre indeed.

What a fucking day, Jesus!

“He’s alive, still at the hospital, but not in a coma, so I guess that’s good news, huh?” Lexi decided to share and doctor Bennett only nodded, still waiting for something more to come. The therapist in question took her glasses off and put her mug of coffee down on the nearing table. “The thing is that he lost too much blood with that slicing his arms inside a bathtub thing, so he’s still under observation.” Doctor Bennett’s eyes got so wide that soon Lexi realized that she shared more than she should about someone else and oh fuck!

Crap!

“Fucking 13 reasons why! That piece of shit of a show!” The woman almost shouted and Lexi tilted her head in confusion as to what was that about that sudden outburst. Doctor Bennett then wetted her lips and decided to enlighten her therapist. “You know, the TV show where a teenager kills herself slicing her wrists in a bathtub?” Oh! What kind of crappy television was that? Dear God! “And of fucking course she leaves 13 tapes to each and every person who fucked her over into committing suicide. The girl surely knew how to fuck her folks and took her grudges to the grave.” Her patient said very conversationalist and Lexi was suddenly shocked at the show’s script.

“Jesus Christ! And people still watch it? Is it even legal?” She asked in pure confusion because it was the kind of show that shouldn’t be allowed to television. Suicide is such a taboo, a confusing and hurtful topic that just watching something like that could lead someone to extreme measures.

Suicide was the hardest topic Lexi ever dealt with, so it rubbed her all wrong to know that somehow everyone could watch something like that. That Daniel could’ve watched it as well.

Fuck!

“Yep! It’s produced by Selena Gomez, so you can imagine the chaos.” Doctor Bennett said with a roll of eyes because she was probably judging something – it could either be Selena or the show. Or probably both. “Tell you what, that Bieber kid must have fucked her head so much that she lost her moral compass. I still don’t know why someone would produce that kind of shit. What if some depressed teen has watched it, huh?” Yeah, Lexi had the same in mind, but somehow, her patient was in a middle of a lecture so she let her be. “Because you know teens, everyone is depressed, their lives are always shitty, they hate their parents and love their friends and are often flirting with suicide, or drugs. Or both.” The shrink wanted to smile at the woman’s speech but she kept her mouth shut. “So, what if one of those little shits decided to commit suicide because a lunatic thought that it was okay to romanticize dying? Isn’t fucking Romeo and Juliet enough? Could the parents even sue Selena for that?” Doctor Bennett kept gesturing with pure outrage as if the TV show had ethically offended her personally. It was interesting to see her patient talking so passionately about something after the first two weeks when the woman seemed just too aloof to care about anything other than herself and being cleared back to work. “It’s not only fucked-up to show in gory fucking details how to slice your own wrists, but, ya know, sending tapes to people to blame them for it is fucking twisted like hell.” Her patient finished with a scowl and a deep sigh.

“I agree with you. It’s all very twisted and kind of horrible.” They nodded at one another.

“So, if you want to sue Selena Gomez for what happened to your crazie, I know some people.” Doctor Bennett gave her a smile and Lexi was unsure how the woman could manage to sound so caring as she used such insensible and bigoted words.

What a mystery was doctor Rue Bennett.

“I appreciate your advice, Rue, but I don’t like you calling my patients ‘crazies’.” She said with crossed arms, though the woman didn’t seem to give a flying fuck about being scolded. “Unless you are considering yourself one of my ‘crazies’, seeing that you are my patient now.” Lexi said with an arched eyebrow and doctor Bennett only grinned all teeth at her face. Was she even her patient at this point? Sure, she faced the woman three weeks religiously at the same time, but still.

Well, doctor Bennett certainly wasn’t like the average.

“Oh, doc! I’m one of your craziest crazies ever.” It was said in a light tone, white teeth and a playful wink on the side that had Lexi sharing a small smile as well. “Trust me, you’re in for a mad long ride with me, Howard.” The woman finished with a lopsided grin that did something to the therapist’s insides. Something uncalled for and probably unethical as well.

Either way, Lexi figured that doctor Rue Bennett wasn’t that far from the truth. She also had a feeling that treating the woman was going to be a long mad ride indeed.

Still, the shrink tilted her head with an arched eyebrow in a daring motion that had her smirking patient staring a hole at her face. Because honestly, after the last couple of days she just had, doctor Bennett couldn’t wreck her more than Lexi’s other patients already did, right?

Or so Lexi hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, folks!  
> thanks for commenting and everything, I really appreciate it. hopefully you'll like this one too.  
> if you don't, you can always pretend to 'cause here I am updating the fic instead of celebrating my birthday, haha. kidding, it's not your fault I'm a loner.  
> mistakes are mine, sorry for them.  
> have a good one, guys! xx


	3. Well, I feel deep in your heart there are wounds time can't heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was just something about her sessions with doctor Bennett that made Lexi reopen old wounds and share more than she was definitely supposed to.
> 
> At least, she got to know her patient a little better. Which was all kinds of troublesome.

Surprisingly, Lexi’s already maddening day didn’t take a turn towards unbearable, much thanks to her last patient of the Thursday. Color her confused as well, ‘cause the tiny psychiatrist was dead sure that Rue Bennett had been sent from the devil himself to make her suffer a whole new level of despair, one yet to be known by mankind. So, when most of the appointment just flew by without her being verbally abused by the woman, odds were that things were too calm to last long.

Of course, even when she wasn’t the main target of doctor Bennett’s very lengthy and colorful vernacular, the same couldn’t be said about every single topic her patient decided to talk about, as unimportant as the chat appeared to be. The dark-skinned woman didn’t seem to be one to refrain from sharing her sharp views in the most acerbic tone she could muster, all wrapped in a vast array of expletives. Such as the weather that was fucking crappy that day; the traffic that was a bitch – doctor Bennett’s words, for sure – and fucking Trump, the orange-haired asshole, who was seeking a war bombing shit the other side of world because he was a fucking twisted son of a bitch – again, not Lexi’s words.

All in all, it was a very light session – she could do with less swearing, but well – and, for that, a part of Lexi was glad. Another part not so much because they were yet to explore the deep wounds and traumas that brought the woman to her care, but somehow she knew that divulging information wasn’t high on the doctor’s list.

Still, it was kind of refreshing. Doctor Bennett didn’t insult her – until now – and for that Lexi was happy. The same couldn’t be said about the president who was cursed with words that really overwhelmed the young shrink for some of those had to be made up, it was improbable that the English language had _that_ amount of swears. What bothered her most was to know that Rue was a very smart woman in spite of her less than gracious choice of vocabulary. A person to talk through paragraphs, all passion about politics, environment and human rights was hard to come by. Or, at least, Lexi never found them angrily gesturing on her office’s couch. Which was a nice change of scenario to find herself delightedly hearing Rue’s monologue about Nazism, economy, wars and the orange snake that crawled his fat dumb ass into the presidential chair.

Well, of course the therapist agreed with her patient, Donald Trump was a sad joke.

The case she was most astonished was doctor Bennett’s mindset. Whatever the hell happened around the globe, Rue surely had an opinion about. Usually a bad one with foul remarks to enlighten just how much. Words – bad or good – never seemed to elude her. At least not when she wasn’t talking about herself, not until now.

And the long list of insults about Trump was about to be updated soon enough, but her patient decided to jump into yet another path of conversation, just out of the blue – as it had already happened with every topic she shared.

Doctor Bennett’s mind was very impressive in a way. It felt as if the woman had such a fast and clever mind that somehow her speech couldn’t keep up with it. It seemed as if her patient was ahead of her time, as if she resonated in a special frequency with very loud decibels vibrating at an unknown oscillation, hard to keep up with yet too stunning to observe and the world still fell short of understanding her. Rue Bennett was pretty inspiring like that.

You see, Lexi had a few patients alike over the years, patients who skipped talking about themselves and covered it up with some mindless chat about anything under the sun. But they were still different from Rue Bennett, ‘cause her new patient wasn’t only turning the conversation around aimlessly to flee from sharing details about herself; she turned the chat to take information about Lexi’s life, to learn about her therapist’s views and behavior. Unfortunately, the psychiatrist was too tired to gather it at the time.

“So, your crazie from yesterday, which hospital is he staying at, doc?” Doctor Bennett asked with a smile as she bit her lip, probably knowing that she was annoying the hell out of her therapist.

Lexi simply rolled her eyes: the woman was just incorrigible.

“He’s not a crazie, doctor Bennett.” It was her patient’s time of narrowing her eyes and Lexi, in a very childish behavior, felt proud of herself for that. For a woman who spent two appointments _demanding_ to be called ‘doctor’, Rue really had a sudden change of heart. “But Daniel is at MS Saint Luke’s, why do you ask?” Why in hell did Lexi share it? Well, she had no bloody idea.

“Oh, I know some people there, they have an okay enough E.R., I suppose.” Her patient nodded her head, probably talking to herself and then focused her eyes right at her shrink’s face. “I’m asking because I want your crazie to have the best treatment ever, doc.” Doctor Bennett said with a grin and a wink as Lexi, once again, rolled her eyes. This woman was simply impossible. “And seeing that I cannot treat him ‘cause, ya know, I’m still not allowed to go back to work,” then a playful glare was given at her that had the therapist narrowing her eyes at the absurd jab. “I’d still like to help somehow, maybe suggesting a good hospital and shit. That’s all.” At the very least, her patient was considerate enough, so the pale doctor nodded her head.

“Yeah, I know some people at Saint Luke’s and I appreciate the generosity, Rue.” Doctor Bennett smiled a little and Lexi decided to try to take some information out of the woman. She probably wouldn’t succeed, but well, she was there to give it a shot after all. “Where do you work at? And what’s your specialty?” Lexi tried to use the most nonchalant tone she could muster given the woman’s bolting tendencies, but, by the way the tall woman clenched her jaw and arched an eyebrow, she knew that she didn’t do well at playing aloof.

A few minutes went by as her patient probably rolled the question over and over again inside her head as she bit her lower lip in what could be called a worried act.

Lexi knew she was about to get an answer when doctor Bennett sighed and closed her eyes to recompose herself. Whatever happened at the hospital, it was probably a very hard topic for the woman.

“I’m a neurosurgeon at NY Presbyterian Lower Manhattan.” The dark-skinned woman said and Lexi was every bit of surprised to hear it. Simply because doctor Bennett didn’t seem that calm and collected to be a neurosurgeon and the therapist knew that this was a very judgmental view she had. However, as the small therapist compared doctor Bennett to her ex, who happened to be a neurosurgeon as well, she couldn’t help but to notice the differences.

Whereas doctor Bennett seemed too anxious and full of personality – hating deeply and caring the same way –, Elise was very composed and quiet about everything, even her opinions were commonly kept to herself; as doctor Bennett proved to be a little too playful and kind of flirty – Lexi gathered that this was just one of the woman’s traits, not really related to the therapist by any means –, her ex-wife was very morose and didn’t talk to anyone at work, she usually stared people down and, more often than not, Lexi was one to hear ‘how do you manage to be married to this woman?’, which was… Well, kind of worrisome to think about. Rue also had bouncing legs and gestured very much with her hands and Elise had such a power to stay still like a statue that Lexi almost believed the redhead to be secretly a ninja who could control her own heartbeats.

Such thought almost made the psychiatrist laugh. ‘Cause if not for the blood and the wreck that was the accident’s scene, Lexi was almost sure that her wife was simply playing dead to mess with her head, Elise had a twisted sense of humor like that – it was one of the few things her ex had in common with doctor Bennett –, so she wouldn’t put it past her.

But, of course, she wasn’t playing when she died, that was just the shrink’s mind refusing to accept the truth – a very normal subterfuge used by the brain to defend itself from pain and misery. Denial is not just a river in Egypt after all.

Another thing they had in common though: both women seemed to be constantly fighting demons bigger than themselves.

And, of course, both considered themselves to be above everyone else. Neurosurgeons were bloody entitled like that, she thought with dark humor.

Anyway, her patient was piercing a hole at her face with those expressive brown eyes of hers and Lexi was brought back to reality. A reality where she was a widow and had a very confusing doctor – with the most striking yet mysterious chocolate eyes she’d ever seen – under her care.

“I’m sorry, I got lost here.” She tried to apologize and was faced with no words, just a fierce stare that was probably as revealing as an x-ray. “I used to attend there as well.” Lexi said with a small smile and that got the woman’s attention back. A curious one was doctor Bennett. It reminded her of Jimmy, her 8-year-old nephew, in a good way. “In fact, I did my residency there, so…”

After that, her patient looked fully into the conversation and seemed surprised to hear it.

“Really? I’ve never seen you around there, doc.” The woman offered in a playful note, smile and all and Lexi had to smile back. Until: “And trust me, I would’ve known if I had, you are not one to pass unnoticed, Howard.” There. This was unethical! The way her patient was grinning and looking at her all smoldering eyes in what could be called appraisal was surely where Lexi should end this conversation. It was deeply immoral to flirt with a patient, she knew that.

The thing was that somehow, doctor Rue Bennett’s inappropriate flirtation didn’t make her skin crawl with distaste like Edward’s did, instead… Instead she felt a little lighter, a little prettier, a little better after hearing it. Which was exactly her bloody problem! She _so_ wasn’t there to seek validation from her patients, so what was that about doctor Bennett that made her feel a little giddy inside after hearing such puerile thing?

“Oh, but you wouldn’t, it was centuries ago, almost in a different lifetime.” She said instead, hot face and fluttering heart because her brain wasn’t working properly by any means and her patient wasn’t making it any easier on her.

“Of course! Because you are _soo_ very old, doc! How could I have forgotten about it?” The dark-skinned woman said lightheartedly with a roll of eyes as Lexi decided to take her mug of coffee to her lips as an attempt to hide her smile. “Did you guys even have x-ray and ultrasound by then?” Doctor Rue Bennett asked biting her mouth to keep her smile from growing and, in spite of being bloody drained, Lexi had a full grin on her lips.

“Nope, we did not. Laparoscopy was still our main thing.” She received such a big beam back that it made her office suddenly warmer, suddenly brighter – doctor Bennett truly had a gorgeous smile. “Well, sometimes we did cut people open unnecessarily, but well, better to be safe than sorry, huh?”

“How very archaic of you, doc.” Her patient said in a light voice that had nothing on her arched eyebrow. It was good, they were making progress. “I can only imagine neurosurgery by then: people with their heads shaved and being lobotomized all around because there was no way to know what was wrong in their brains.” Doctor Bennett finished and soon enough Lexi’s good mood was gone. It reminded her of Elise who refused to open a person without closely analyzing every kind of brain scan. Sometimes she messed with her ex saying that she needed a whole photo shoot before performing surgery and her ex would roll her eyes, but everyone at the hospital knew that she was right. “Those were the times, huh? When we were allowed to kill people as long as we were trying to save them without having any fucking clue about what the hell was wrong in the first place.” Her patient said with a note of despair, or regret. She probably lost some people under her scalpel and it bothered her too much.

Lexi knew the drill, besides the whole status that came with neurosurgery – they were the best paid surgeons, after all – the losses were very traumatizing, very hard to move on from and she dealt with enough of it back in the day.

“Exactly, then we would play the heroic card and no one would be the wiser.” The therapist then rolled her eyes. Vanity was most doctors’ chosen sin, no matter their specialty. “At the very least we had less children attempting to commit suicide back in the day, seeing that they were often killed by the flu pandemic before even becoming teenagers.” It was said in a bitter tone as she glared at her coffee.

Sometimes she hated medicine with a white rage that knotted her guts and held her heart in a poisonous grip. Other times she despised doctors, those who walked on air, as ancient deities, always patting themselves on the back whenever they got to play with lives: fix them, wrap it up, send them away.

Like Justin was sent away without her professional clearance when he was _her_ patient for almost a year. The one she lost to depression, autism, familiar issues and a tight rope around his neck three days after his release. The one Elise Lewis and Nathaniel Jacobs cleared anyway without consulting her, because why would the blue-blooded duo attending neuro and cardio, respectively, the medical prodigies, the apple of the hospital’s eye consult a newly attending psychiatrist who treated the teenager before signing his papers, right? It surely didn’t cross Elise’s mind that her bloody wife was Justin’s psychiatrist, why would she even bother? It was all about cutting open and stitching close, the afterwards weren’t worth of a second thought.

The good part was that at least doctor Jacobs was still breathing hence being religiously hated by Lexi at every waking moment, every given turn, seeing that Elise was long dead and it sounded a little too extreme to wish her ex-wife to rot in hell for that as well, so furiously hating Jacobs would have to do. And jogging, of course. Lexi was all about balance. So, if hating was bad, then running was good so that was rectified.

She was still lost in thought when doctor Bennett asked with interest.

“Your crazie from yesterday was a child?” Her answer was a nod and the woman’s eyes got wide in surprise. “Fuck! I’m so very sorry to hear it.” She shook her head, her patient, much like herself, looked distraught enough, there was no reason to talk about it any further. “How old was he?” Or so she thought.

“Daniel _is_ eleven. He’s still alive.” She said a little too sternly, probably to remind herself that no, Daniel didn’t die and he was going to be okay. “He’s going to be fine, I’m very good with stitches after all.” Still, she offered as a mean to say that she was sorry for her outburst, ‘cause doctor Bennett had no fault in the matter.

“Oh, so you’re good with your hands now, doc?” There was her patient biting her lower lip again with a flirty undertone. Here we go again… Lexi’s stupid heart stupidly decided to beat faster. Oh hell! “According to whom?” The woman asked and Lexi narrowed her eyes.

“My ex-wife used to tell me that my hands were too soft for general and that I should try plastics or neuro instead. Just ‘cause I took my damn time stitching my patients to perfection.” Lexi offered and rolled her eyes at the memory. Trust Elise to make caring about a patient’s scars such a waste of effort. “As if it was a sin that I didn’t want my patients looking like doctor Frankenstein’s monster. You know, I have a reputation to uphold.” Lexi finished with a bored voice but the look she was receiving, the psychoanalyst was almost sure that her patient was overthinking one special sentence: the one about being married to a woman.

Oh fuck! She just outed herself to a new patient and Jesus Christ! What was wrong with her that day? Crap!

No even her old patients knew about it, so what the fuck was that?

“My ex-fiancee used to tell me that I’m too mentally unstable to be out performing brain surgeries.” But then her patient said with a very intriguing expression, as an overexcited child who just found out why the sky’s blue. Something told her that Rue wasn’t one to pass a self-degrading tour. “There was also the drug problem, but trust Jules to make every little shit as bitter as she could.” Lexi simply blinked. Oh, so her patient wasn’t exactly straight then. That was… okay. And she had a problem with addiction on top of it. How marvelous. “Just because she made tons of fucking money dressing preppy rich bitches, my work was worthless because I wasn’t paid as much as _she_ thought I should get paid, ya know?” Lexi just nodded her head. “I worked crazy fucking hours like a motherfucker and I still didn’t make enough money to appease her.” Rue then sounded very much enraged and Lexi soon got to understand her patient a little better – it’s very bothersome when your significant other doesn’t seem to care about your profession.

“Imagine her tragedy if she knew how much I made as a general resident?” She said in a serious tone because, back when she was married, she found herself hearing the same shit more often than not – Elise really had a remarkable way of underestimating her specialty, neither being a psychiatrist or a general surgeon could be considered anywhere near good to her ex. But soon enough her patient was full on laughing with a very melodic voice and Lexi was surprised by it. It was a good sound to be heard for sure. “I don’t think there are enough hours to be worked in a week to make any decent amount of money as a general resident though.” Her patient’s eyes were shining and doctor Bennett had a full stunning beam adorning her features. Rue bit her lips as she stared straight at the therapist’s soul.

Her tired brain recalled Tyra Banks talking about smiling eyes or something along the lines whenever Cass made her watch that top models TV show. Whatever the hell it meant, Rue Bennett then was the only possible picture to describe such inane conception.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t like to have this conversation with my ex, doc. In spite of being very ahead of her time, Jules still played by society’s rules.” Lexi nodded because no matter what this woman has done to her patient, she suddenly didn’t like her at all. Not after seeing said bright eyes getting clouded over her memories. “I’m the one with bipolar disorder and she’s out there acting like she has a fucking split personality!” Oh! So, doctor Bennett had a bipolar disorder, it explained some things… “I mean, yeah, being a fashion designer is cool and shit, but she made it seem like the world would suddenly cease to exist if one of her rich bitches didn’t get an unnecessarily expensive dress down to her likes. I said fuck! I’m the one out there dealing with people whose only wish is to fucking survive a brain surgery to come back home to their loved ones and she was always bugging about her rich clients’ demands.” Lexi kept her mouth shut. “Oh! But I’m making his _huuge_ dress for Kim Kardashian and it has to be done in twelve hours, baby, sorry but I won’t see you tonight. Like who the fuck is Kim Kardashian anyway?” The therapist knew, Cassie loved to watch that waste of a time of a reality show, but she kept the info to herself, she didn’t believe her patient was even interested in discovering who the bloody woman was. “So, after I worked almost 68 hours uninterrupted like a fucking dog, instead of having, ya know, quality time or shit like that, all she did was ditch me to run to any fancy party the riches were throwing because those people simply love to throw money away.” Doctor Bennett said with a pink face and a furious roll of eyes, sounding as outraged as she probably felt. “Who does that to someone they claim to love anyway?”

The question was asked in a small voice, as if her patient was afraid of hearing the answer. And Lexi knew that there were many ways of showing love, or caring about someone. Unfortunately, there were also controlling behaviors that people often mistook with love.

But in this case, it was hard to come up with anything. One: she didn’t know her patient’s ex, Jules. And two, she had a suspicion that she was about to learn a few hard things about a toxic and probably very problematic relationship.

So, with that in mind, she took the most mature approach and tried not to enrage her patient too much. The woman was already fuming.

“Sadly, many people do, Rue.” The doctor in question, of course, looked all kinds of surprised. “The thing about love, or claiming to love, is that it doesn’t follow a recipe, there are no rules dictating how we should love and how we must express it. And as we are talking about two different people in a relationship, we also need to understand that there are two equations at play and, in some cases, those equations, those needs are way too different from one another that they can’t reach a common denominator.” As Rue looked at her with curious piercing eyes, Lexi decided to keep her line of thought. “For example, you do love in your very specific way, it’s like a pattern, like a fingerprint that is only yours, so you pour your love in a way that’s very singular. Unfortunately, most of the time, the love we are given is not as strong or groundbreaking as we want it to be, as we believe we are giving in return. So, there is where this perfect equation of love loses its balance, like a graphic out of axis, you see?” Her answer was a formal nod. “With that in mind, I believe that sometimes these personal loving patterns simply don’t go well with one another and it’s not anyone else’s fault, it just happens when two people see the world with different views and want different things from one another.” Lexi took a moment to put her glasses back. “But let me tell you this, Rue, you must love yourself first and furthermost and working like a bloody dog to make money you don’t need is not only bad for your health and your relationship, but it’s bad for your patients as well. Because when you enter an OR, you need a sharp mind and a healthy body to fix whoever is in need at the moment. That means that you need to rest as well, you need to take care of yourself before taking care of somebody else.” Lexi should have finished her uncalled-for speech there, right when she saw her patient nodding and thinking about what was said, she knew it. In spite of that, she kept talking because she had no bloody filter anymore and blowing her sessions to hell seemed to be the new black that Thursday. “And, I’m sorry, but if your partner can’t understand it, then they simply don’t deserve you.”

Yes, Lexi Howard was still running with that ‘giving unsolicited advice’ approach as she had all day.

And, no, it didn’t look like doctor Bennett liked it one bit.

Oh well, she was now down to four patients, it seemed.

“I see…” It was all she heard from the talkative woman for a very long and alarming time. The psychiatrist just shut her mouth and waited to be cursed and yelled at. “When I was given your name and Kat said that you were nothing like most shrinks, I didn’t imagine you would be like that.” Doctor Bennett offered with an unreadable expression. Perhaps Lexi had pushed the woman too far too soon.

“You mean like what?” Still, her curious brain wanted to know why was that. And why she hadn’t been cursed yet.

“You seem to care much about your patients. Not just in a professional way.” Well, fuck. It served Lexi good for getting the bloody lines all messed up so often. “I mean, it’s good. I didn’t want to offend you, I’m sorry.” Her patient then looked almost regretful, if that was possible for that hurricane of a woman. “You don’t simply pretend to care about people, you just do. It’s good. It’s refreshing in a way.” There she received a small smile from doctor Bennett – one that had her taking a deep breath without her mind’s consent. “You know that at a hospital most doctors are praying that someone will come fucked enough so they can fix them. Well, I kinda did it a lot as well. Probably because we don’t care much about people, in spite of what we do. ‘Cause we should be there praying that no one would need us and shit, right?” As Rue had her hand attempting to tame her hair – probably because she was nervous –, Lexi found herself smiling at the almost shy woman in front of her. “And here you are simply caring. Like it’s the most normal thing ever to care about strangers with fucked-up lives. To lose your sleep stitching someone when you could just tell the parents to call 911 and be done with it. Caring about my fucked-up relationship in a way that I’m not sure I cared that much ever.” Lexi sat still as she saw doctor Bennett getting up and walking around her office as she talked. “I mean, of course I love Jules. I loved her since high school but I just don’t know where we stand now. Or, as a matter of fact, where _I_ stand now.” She saw the woman taking big deep breaths because that was a secret she probably never said out loud to anyone else, not even to herself and Lexi was suddenly rooted to her chair. “Because it’s not the kind of love I want for the rest of my life. I don’t wanna work myself dead to get away from someone I’m supposed to marry. It’s just all fucking messed up.” And, yes, Lexi knew it was very messed up. But that was the thing about people and love: you either don’t know how you feel or you don’t know how to express your feelings, so being in a relationship is often a big mess. “We are not together anymore, she broke things off and shit, but I have to say that I’ve never felt so free in my whole damn life. It’s like, fuck! I can do whatever I want now! I don’t have to be dragged to those stupid parties or fashion shows or anything. I can dress myself as I damn well please. No need to look pristine or like a fucking model because I date the hot fashion designer. I’m all by myself and I’ve never been better, so how fucked-up is that, doc?”

Well, if she was honest to herself, Lexi would say that it was a little strange indeed. But then, the mind had its own ways to shut the pain out and there was always a high before a fall. Of course, it could be that her patient was finally free from her obsession with her ex, or it could just be that she was trying to play the strong card.

“Let me ask you this, Rue. How long since you two broke up?” She asked and took her glasses off again. Her eyes were surely bothering her. Probably from tiredness.

“Oh, so you think I’m still riding that denial phase, doc?” Her patient asked in a tone that was both bitter and a little too sugary, as if by asking that question the psychiatrist had managed to offend her tough persona in a way.

“It’s a possibility, yes. The mind works in mysterious ways, Rue.” The therapist said with sincerity because, as her doctor, Lexi had to consider every possible scenario, even those too insane to be real, in order to better treat the woman and keep her away from inflicting any kind of harm upon herself.

“I understand, but it has been six months.” Lexi nodded her understanding because it wasn’t really about the time chronologically put, it was more about which defense mechanisms her patient has used to fight the despair in said time. For example, if doctor Bennett decided to drink herself silly from said day until now – a classic coping mechanism – odds were that she was still trying to deny her reality. They were dealing with a very long relationship after all, there was no easy path towards recovery. “My mind stopped its works when I had an OD over our break up, but I’m kind of getting better now after I went to rehab and shit.” Doctor Bennett said with a bite, probably meant to be a warning or maybe she was back to raising her walls to protect herself from everyone. Or she just wanted to keep Lexi on her toes and scare the tiny psychiatrist away.

Which would be pointless and a waste of doctor Bennett’s time.

‘Cause her patient didn’t know, of course, but Lexi had already dealt with an endless list of drug addicts in her life. In a way, it was safe to say that she had 29 years of experience down her belt.

It started with her dad and his painkillers that soon weren’t enough so Gus went to heroin. Then there was Suze, her mom, who decided to drink her sorrows away on a daily basis because her husband chose drugs instead of his family. At least her mom was trying to get better now, or so she heard. There was also Matthew, her older brother, who had a thing for amphetamine with oxycodone and threw his career as a surgeon away because of it – Matty also screwed whatever was left of their family with that. And last, but not least, there was Elise, who was just like her mom and drank a lot. And caused a car accident because she decided to drive fucking wasted and was responsible for the crash that killed herself and another four innocent people. Another thing that Lexi still didn’t forgive her ex for, not even after almost two years. She probably would never forgive Elise for dying and dragging a whole family with her.

So, yes, drugs were the curse that played a big part in her life. In a way, it was what made her who she was both professionally and as a person. It was also the fucking thing that wrecked apart every concept of family she had since forever.

Drugs were her karma in every possible way.

So, with that thought, she took a deep breath because here she had another patient in need that shouldn’t be judged or pitied. Because Rue Bennett was a stubborn woman who was responsible for her choices – the good and the bad – and Lexi wasn’t there to let her own traumas get in the way of someone’s treatment. She was her psychiatrist and her job was to build the already scarred enough woman back up. Or so God helped her, but she wouldn’t give up on the doctor without a bloody fight.

Anyway, that was why doctor Bennett needed to go to NA meetings in order to be cleared back to work. The good thing about it was that Rue seemed to be really trying so Lexi gave her a warm smile and a nod.

Because not every drug addict was like her ex-wife who refused to acknowledge her addiction, let alone get treatment. Or like her brother who believed that he had a right to use whatever the fuck he wanted because they had a messed-up family and the three of them had to learn how to be people on their own. Or like her father who couldn’t face his responsibilities and was often on the run, leaving a path of depression and destruction behind his heels. Or like her mother who was a weak coward and chose to leave her three children to fend for themselves as she ran after her good-for-nothing husband.

The funniest thing about all of that was that the Howard children fought so much to not become their parents… Yet, there they were: Matty went to drugs because he needed to work insane hours to take care of his younger sisters and his newborn nephew, only to become a drug addict like their father; Cass got knocked up by a rich fuckboy who soon enough ditched her because he wasn’t ready to be a parent, yet she still worshiped the ground that piece of shit of a man walked, kind of like their mom. At the very least her sister was a great mother to James, unlike Suze.

And Lexi… Well, Lexi was there trying to glue shit together; draining herself to fix people; pouring everything she had into helping her patients because she didn’t want to face her own life choices – like both her parents.

In other words, the apple never falls far from the bloody tree, as poisoned as such may be.

But Rue Bennett was different from her family, Lexi knew it. First ‘cause she was there, in her office, under her care and it didn’t matter what was the reason behind it, just that she was finally accepting help. The doctor didn’t make excuses for her addiction as well, so she was already a step ahead. And from the little she knew about the woman, the tall neurosurgeon didn’t give her the vibe of being a runner or a quitter, which fueled her psychotherapist with hope in a way.

“I’m glad to hear it, Rue.” The woman who was back at the couch but looking anywhere but at her face locked her eyes back into Lexi’s. “And more important, I’m glad that you chose the path of healing and that I can be a part of that as well.” The therapist said with an honest smile, because she was truly glad to have met this peculiar but also very strong woman, even when she didn’t fully understand why was that.

There was just something about doctor Bennett that had Lexi wanting to make a difference in the woman’s life and, in a way, the psychoanalyst was ready to leap into the abyss to rescue her patient. It was a very frightening thought.

“A part of my mad long ride?” Rue sounded almost confused, as if the neurosurgeon couldn’t fully comprehend why someone would want to be there for her, or why would anyone want to be a part of her recovery.

It was just too sad. It was sad to imagine why her patient was so clearly shocked to hear it; and sad to pinpoint when she started to feel like she didn’t deserve someone else’s care. Or even when in time has Rue Bennett decided that she wasn’t good enough to fight for.

“Yes, that one.” Lexi offered with a grin. Yes, she was tired, but after their session, the tiny shrink felt a little thrill to do something good for her patient, this one she wasn’t letting down. Rue, in return arched an eyebrow and bit her lower lip, probably considering her therapist’s words. “You were right about me, I’m not one who leaves one of her crazies behind. I’m your all or nothing kind of doctor, Rue.” It was her time to stare a hole through the neurosurgeon’s walls, her tone suggested more than a challenge – all or nothing – without sounding like an ultimatum, it was also a promise to be there for her come hell or high water.

Because that was how she worked, no in-betweens, no minimum efforts. Even when every other aspect of Lexi’s life suggested otherwise – she wasn’t one for adventures or taking chances –, this woman, as every single patient of hers, had her full commitment, full attention, all care she kept safe and never quite received or shied away from giving. This was her atonement for crimes she hadn’t even committed but still haunted her at night.

It had the desired effect and soon enough her Rue Bennett was fully grinning at her face, _smize_ and all. Lexi pondered that her words were like the winds of change: they washed every confusion and mistrust from doctor Bennett’s cloudy face and soon enough the sun appeared – because Rue’s candid smile reminded her of the sun: warm, beautiful and full of life.

“Well, then I have to say that I’m all in, doc. All poker chips in.” She said in a playful tone with a lopsided grin and Lexi couldn’t keep herself from smiling back.

“I’m glad to hear it, Rue.” It was strange that they were simply staring at one another with little grins. Her patient, whose only expression seemed to be a permanent scowl, looked young and almost shy in a very endearing way that had her expensive attire, all washed in black and certainly tailored, seemed not to dress her that good. Not because it was unfit or baggy, the color scheme that was all wrong. The neurosurgeon looked so bright, almost naive, that Lexi caught herself suddenly disliking the black color. Which was quite insane. “After all, we are all mad here, doctor Bennett.” She offered and heard another melodic loud laugh that made her heart feel so warm and big that she had to remind herself that it was just caused by a few chemicals mixed together, she didn’t have a cardiac disease.

Perhaps she should do a check-up, it was probably time anyway. Just to be sure, of course. It was better to be safe than sorry.

“Hey, Lex! Do you want me to- Oh! Hello, doctor Bennett!” Alice’s voice alarmed both women as the psychiatrist almost jumped out of her skin in fear. And soon enough Rue’s smile was replaced by a vicious glare that would have given Lexi a whiplash any other day, but she was too shocked for that. Instead, she took a few breaths and looked at her watch. Bloody hell! She nearly had another heart attack as she saw that it was 7:30 already. Jesus Christ! Did they really spend more than two hours talking? “Yeah, it’s past 7 pm and I didn’t think you’d still have a patient. Sorry for that.” Her secretary said amusedly with a maddening smirk looking as unapologetic as ever and had the therapist glaring right at her face. “Anyway, I came here to ask if you want me to drive you to St. Luke’s to visit Dany, doctor Howard.” Her sister-in-law said in a sweet tone that meant nothing but misfortune as the addressed woman was torn between narrowing her eyes at whatever the blonde was implying and looking utterly horrified at the hour because it was the first time in years she lost track of time during an appointment with a patient.

Crap! She and was already running late to visit Daniel and see about his recovery. Thankfully she had medical clearance to accompany his case as a doctor, because the visiting hours had already ended.

“There’s no need, I’ll give her a ride.” Rue’s serious voice startled her and she stared at her patient who now had a sneer and hard eyes piercing a hole at her blonde secretary.

Alice, of course, was a sly little shit who simply turned her most sinister smirk towards doctor Bennett for whatever foolish outcome her mad mind had pondered as Rue, in return, clenched and unclenched her jaw in clear irritation.

What the hell was happening?

As that freak show was unrolling right in front of her very tired eyes, Lexi took a moment to put her glasses back because maybe she was imagining the whole bizarre scene, it was possible after the long last night she had, when her sister-in-law decided it was her cue to sugarcoat all the nonsense with a sentence that had Lexi’s patient rolling her eyes.

“Oh, that’s good, doctor Bennett, but there’s no need to bother. I’m sure you have better things to do.” Alice said in a mellow voice with a smile so fake that put the Joker to shame right before turning to haunt Lexi. “I can give you a ride, right, doctor Howard?” A wink followed that absurdity and the therapist glared at her sister-in-law’s face with hard eyes because the smirk she was receiving was a clear sign of upcoming doom. Her doom, of course.

“It won’t be a bother at all, I’ll take her there.” She immediately turned to look at her patient when she heard the woman’s stone-cold tone. Rue was crossing her arms and legs with one of her usual scowls as if the mere act of talking was a dreadful inconvenience.

“Well, then thank you, doctor Bennett, I’ll be on my way.” The insufferable young blonde said and turned on her heels to look at Lexi with a face that meant that the young psychiatrist was going to be pestered with ridiculous interrogations soon enough. There was something clearly wicked coming her way because Alice then stopped to simply stare at her with curious eyes. “See you tomorrow, doctor Howard. Call me if you need me.” She nodded then she was finally out of her office when the psychotherapist heard Rue grumpily murmuring a few curses.

“Wait, what?!” In what could be considered the most idiotic face on earth, Lexi asked the skinny woman as she blinked – a bloody lot, she was exhausted as fuck – and tilted her head because surely, she lost something important there.

However, Rue, big grin with white teeth and shinning eyes, looked as pleased as ever and perhaps Lexi had imagined that insane staring contest just moments ago. Yes, she now knew that doctor Bennett had bipolar disorder, but whatever occurred back then between her very rude patient and her equally inopportune sister-in-law was way too over the top to be true. It had no rational explanation to any of that.

Perhaps she was so tired that she was losing her mental faculties.

“Come on, doc! Seeing that I’ve kept you way past your curfew, it’s only fair that I give you a ride to the hospital, huh?” Lexi wanted to deny or simply say anything but her only reaction was to blink at the playful smirk she was receiving. “Well, let’s go! I’m sure your crazie is missing you.”

“You just said that traffic was terrible, Rue.” It was the only coherent thought that crossed her mind and her answer was an arched eyebrow and an even bigger smile.

“I said traffic was a bitch, but I’ll have your company so it won’t be that bad, Howard.” Rue winked. Lexi’s heart leaped.

This flirting behavior was getting ultimately troubling!

“There’s no need-“

“Oh, I know, doc! I’m still offering though and I guess you’re out of options now. So, let’s go!” Her patient said and stormed out of her office as a woman on a mission and the therapist was left to think what the fuck would she do about doctor Rue Bennett?!


	4. You got a fast car, I wanna a ticket to anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi was still unsure about why she accepted doctor Bennett's offer to give her a ride - one could argue that it due her tiredness. Or the need to see Daniel the sooner she could.  
> Anyway, the only thing she knew for sure was that Rue (and everything surrounding the neurosurgeon) was about to give her a whiplash.

Lexi was forced to school her surprised face after learning that her patient not only really drove through New York’s chaotic traffic, because as much as she heard Rue blatantly swearing each and every driver down the town, to know that she actually owned a car and did the driving was kind of surreal. In her mind, the only person crazy enough to do this was Alice and her sister-in-law was beyond insanity at this point.

Oh, no, not only doctor Bennett had a car and drove it herself, but she had a bloody black Maserati Ghibli that looked like a spaceship and had the psychiatrist gaping like a fish out of water after such discovery – to which the woman in question just lifted her eyebrow and offered her a smirk, because of course her patient would drive something so shiny and expensive.

Anyway, after the initial shock, the ride to St. Luke’s was a quiet one and Lexi didn’t really feel the need to start a conversation as her mind was collapsing with every possible scenario about Daniel’s case.

She still didn’t know why she simply followed doctor Bennett and somehow accepted her offer to give her a ride, but there were more pressing matters that held her down at the moment.

Her mind played so many tricks on her that she had to take big breaths to calm herself and not give into the chaos that her brain was building. Thoughts like: ‘how was Daniel? Was he still in a room or was he dragged to the psychiatric yard?’ were responsible for her clenching and unclenching her jaw in anger. Because the scenario of not having him in the same room he was this morning was simply inconceivable! And Lexi wasn’t going to shy away from cursing every single doctor there to the most doomed level of hell if such atrocity happened ‘cause the boy was _her_ patient and there was no way she was going to let anyone call the shots about his mental state and put him away.

Not after what happened to Justin. Not when she didn’t slap both her wife and fucking doctor Jacobs in the face for releasing him without her consent.

This was the specific case that got her so worried in an almost petrified state of mind: going to the hospital and not seeing Daniel because some mighty piece of shit of a doctor decided to clear the boy as if he was just an inconvenience taking space. She wouldn’t let it happen again.

Which explained why she was astonished when she heard the woman beside her asking:

“So, are you banging your secretary?” You see, that absurdity was so bluntly asked, too out of the blue like most things concerning doctor Bennett, that her only response was to blink like a moron at the driver. When she didn’t hear an answer, Rue pierced a hole at her face with a stare and tried again. “I mean, I’m not judging if you are, doc.”

“If I’m what?” She asked because maybe her mind was so exhausted that it made her mishear whatever was asked, right? But from her patient’s stern face and unreadable expression, it was hard to assume that Rue wasn’t annoyed about her doing anything. Or not doing in that case.

“Banging your secretary.” She deadpanned and then smirked at the look of utter disgust on Lexi’s face. “I’m asking you if you are having sex with your secretary.” The dark-skinned woman said with a sigh as if she was talking to a mentally incapable person and Lexi rolled her eyes.

“I’m aware of what ‘banging’ means, Rue.” The addressed woman simply nodded. “I’m just skeptical at your question.”

Of course, doctor Bennett simply arched an eyebrow and threw a very unbecoming grin her way. This woman was messing with Lexi’s mind so much that the tiny psychiatrist was a step away from committing herself to a hospice.

“Because it’s unethical of me to ask you?” It was asked in a playful tone as Rue looked at her with a bright smile. Lexi just sighed.

“Because it would be unethical of _me_ to do something like that.” Not to mention all kinds of disturbing to even cross her mind.

Wherever Elise may be, Lexi was sure that her ex was vomiting at such deranged notion.

“Oh, but it’s normal, you wouldn’t be the first and I’m not judging you, doc.” Rue’s smirk was getting slightly wicked and the shrink had to take a deep breath to keep her cool.

“That’s nice of you to say, but I’m not having sexual intercourse with Alice.” She answered with repulsion because such idea was… Jesus Christ! She had no words to describe that kind of abomination, it made her skin crawl with just the thought of it.

Alice Lewis was like that spoiled, annoying and borderline insufferable young sister she never had, seeing that Lexi was the youngest of her siblings.

“You sure? ‘Cause she looks at you with a strange expression.” Rue asked seriously and Lexi was forced to roll her eyes again.

“I’m very sure and that’s because Alice is an eccentric young woman.” Lexi wasn’t about to call her sister-in-law simply nuts, so ‘eccentric’ would have to do. Also, because the 22-year-old blonde had this inconvenient way of butting in Lexi’s love life – as if the conception as simply having a ‘love life’ even existed in her case – and was often appearing at her house, irritating her pets and coming with unthinkable invitations to drag her boss out to some new gay scene because she called herself the ‘greatest lesbian wingman’ out there and ‘it’s fucking time for you to get laid, Lex’ which was an irrational and kind of twisted thing to hear from the younger sister of her dead wife.

Some nights, she thought about getting the key she gave the blonde back because it was very annoying to find a drunk woman down to her underwear sprawled and snoring on her couch. Alice could at least have the decency to drag her problematic ass to Lexi’s guest room, but of course she didn’t, she rather raise a hell throwing the cushions all over the living room and wrinkle the sheets with her hook of a butt. The sole reason of her existence was to disturb the tiny doctor, it seemed.

“If you say so, doc…”

Lexi decided to let the appalling topic simply die after that. First because Rue opened a smile upon learning that the young psychiatrist wasn’t having sex with her sister-in-law – and Jesus fuck! What disturbing scenario was even that? – and second because she was tired. Deadly tired. So tired that she was concocting the most bizarre thoughts inside her head that would go from thinking that her patient was too interested in her love life because she wanted to forget about her own, to imagining that doctor Bennett was somehow attracted to her. Or to Alice. Which was immoral and too preposterous of a thing to be thought about.

But, well, Lexi was bloody tired.

“Wanna turn the radio on, doc?” The woman asked with a smile and Lexi gave her a tiny one back because maybe music would help her drown out those insane thoughts assaulting her peace of mind.

Until she looked at her patient and considered what kind of music Rue was into. Probably something deafeningly loud that wouldn’t only scare her inappropriate thoughts away but most definitely keep her brain from even thinking afterwards.

“How offended will I be if I were bold enough to do that?” Still, she asked. ‘Cause she was in no position to hear heavy music or whatever pop song currently trending among the youngsters these days. Music had surely been dismantled into loud noises and odd beats nowadays. It was as if they’ve reached the highest point decades before and now the musicians were down to slaughtering melodies and belting obscenities with a perverted sense of musicality.

But her companion just laughed out loud and such sound carried more melody and beauty in its simplicity than many songs produced these last few years.

“Deeply, doc! But I dare you to try.” Doctor Bennett said with a provocative smirk that meant she was up for a challenge and suddenly the tiny doctor was very afraid of what she was about to hear.

She thought back to each therapy session she ever said that her patients should be brave and face their fears if they ever wanted to conquer something. Okay, Lexi wasn’t trying to conquer anything, of course, she just wanted to keep the things currently messing with her out of her mind – like Rue and Daniel –, so whatever her difficult patient fancied to listen would still be a better option than thinking the irrationalities crashing inside her brain like cars without brakes.

Because Daniel was going to be still there and Rue was… Well, her patient. A very troublesome one at that but still only a patient. It was all the tall woman was ever going to be: an irritating, curious, flirty, charming and witty patient.

With her mind made up, Lexi glared fiercely at every button in that vulgar display of luxury of a car trying to guess which one would turn the radio on. Then Rue, as if she sensed her confusion, pointed at the one who was responsible for that and with a final sigh, Lexi finally let music blast through the speakers.

Or so she thought, ‘cause soon enough there was an interface saying _Incoming Call_ and she kind of accepted it instead.

Thanks to her unfortunate luck, Lexi heard a voice that suddenly sent a cold chill through her bones.

 _“Yo, Bennett! Whacha doing?”_ She blinked at the skinny woman as if she was hearing the dead coming back to life to haunt her miserable ass. Rue, for her part, just smirked at her face and waved a hand as if the bloody bastard calling was simply a minor inconvenience. _“Wanna hang out and have a few drinks?”_ It was difficult but still she managed to control her scoff. She pulled her phone from the purse to glare at it instead.

“Yo, Jacobs! I’m kinda busy now, rain check?” There was something about trying not to eavesdrop a conversation and focusing on whatever else that had the human brain doing exactly the contrary. So, as much as Lexi steered herself to play whichever game Jimmy had downloaded, her ears were still hearing the doctors’ conversation.

 _“Getting some ladylove, bro?”_ This explained why she couldn’t control her scoff at that ridiculousness. The fact that she was caught in a side conversation between her patient and doctor fucking Jacobs was already a disgrace on it's own.

“Fuck off! I’m running some errands.” From the corner of her eyes she saw doctor Bennett looking strangely at her face and she heaved a deep sigh.

 _“Yeah, right!”_ For a moment, everything was still and Lexi turned to see the neurosurgeon biting her lower lip with a cute blush covering her face in a pinkish shade. Why was Rue even blushing because of that was a mystery, one that Lexi had no intention of cracking. _“So, you’re telling me that you don’t have a hot girl beside you now, Rue?”_ Jacobs, ever the fucker, said in a light tone with a giggle that made Lexi want to punch him straight in the face, instead, she rolled her eyes. Though she was still facing doctor Bennett in time to see the woman’s face getting slightly redder after that.

“Whatever! What’s up?” The neurosurgeon decided to let the topic die. Right to the moment she turned her red face towards Lexi and gulped deeply, looking all kinds of embarrassed, shy smile and all. The therapist wanted to ask what was that about, maybe even tell her that nothing could be as mortifying as being friends with the other surgeon, but it wasn’t her place, so she kept her mouth shut.

 _“I just wanna talk. Shit happened.”_ Of course it did, Lexi scoffed some more, wherever this bastard went, shit would always follow him.

“What kind of shit?” But of course, doctor Bennett was hooked in her curiosity that knew no boundaries, still red-faced and all. From the other side of the call, Lexi heard bastard Jacobs gulping.

It wasn’t like she despised Jacobs just for being an entitled piece of shit of a doctor who cared too little about the rest of mankind. Well, she hated him for that as well, the man was surely a misogynistic waste of oxygen. The fact that Elise chose him to be her best man was also a cruel a joke on Lexi’s behalf, one of many. But seeing that her dead wife was best friends with the douchebag, it was a shitstorm coming. ‘Cause, of course, the only person related to Lexi who made it to her wedding was Cass, the rest of the people were Elise’s friends or other doctors and nurses from the hospital her wife pretended to endure.

Which, of course, kind of strained her relationship with her family even more. But what could Lexi do? Gus was probably high out of his fucking mind or dead in a dark corner; Suze could either be drunk or crawling after her husband; Matty was off somewhere chasing some high or anything after a lovely visit from their father, so Cassie was the only one available for that. Well, there was their granddad as well, but inviting the spiteful old man would certainly turn the marriage into a travesty.

Because from marching into the event with either the police force or maybe a few priests to perform an exorcism or a buying a shotgun to crash the party, everything was possible whenever doctor Leonel Auditore was involved. Her grandfather hated Elise as fiercely as he could, either because he was a homophobic asshole or just because her ex-wife’s sunny personality wasn’t that alluring and the redhead made it her mission to bicker with Lexi’s family whenever she could. So, the only one who made an effort to stomach her ex-wife’s stubbornness and temperamental behavior was her blonde sister.

Also ‘cause after ditching working for him at his fancy hospital in California to work at an _uncivilized_ excuse for a hospital in New York to follow after her ungracious siblings, their _tender_ grandpa kind of got very, deeply, truly pissed at his grandchildren who came just after their mother, _tre bastardi ingrati!¹,_ which could have hurt her relationship with her grandfather a little.

Oh, well.

Back to her mockery of a marriage, Matty was somewhat supportive in the beginning of her relationship, but after he had a peculiar surgery with the redhead that went all kinds of wrong for reasons Lexi had no idea, the NY Presbyterian was turned into a battlefield between neuro and plastics and everybody knew better than to put both doctors inside an OR full of sharp blades. Come to think of it, it was good that her brother decided to spare her the humiliation of making a scene on her wedding day, seeing that Elise, as quiet as she was, never spent an opportunity to badmouth her brunet brother.

It made the therapist smile sadly to herself, maybe it would have been better if Matteo, Leonel, Gustav and Suze suddenly appeared at the chapel. Okay, not exactly _better,_ but entertaining at least. That would be a very Hunger Games-ish marriage for sure.

Not that Elise was completely in the wrong, Lexi knew her family was a bloody mess, however, the woman made no effort to at least be polite to them. When they started dating, as a 21-year-old wide-eyed resident, Lexi somehow believed the redhead was just being empathetic or trying to be protective of her. Unfortunately, she was not. Elise was just controlling, morose and emotionally manipulative, something that Lexi only gathered as a toxic and abusive behavior after she started her practice as a psychiatrist.

May her dead wife rest in fucking peace anyway. At least the shrink was free from her, which was such a cruel thing to think… To think that the woman she vowed to love until the end of her days had to die for Lexi’s freedom…

Perhaps she was nothing more than a weak coward like Suze, seeing that, in spite of every shit Elise had done, the therapist only decided to get a divorce once. Believe it or not, it was the night her ex died. And a part of herself liked to believe that maybe, even if the redhead was still alive, she would get through with it all. It was hard to know for sure though.

Fuck! For a psychiatrist, Lexi was a bloody unhinged mess!

 _“Shit related to Jules.”_ She suddenly turned her head to look at her companion after she heard it. Rue, for her part, would appear composed to most people, as still as a statue. However, Lexi was one to focus on the details, always had been. So, the deep scowl, the distant posture, the hands strangling the wheels in a death grip and the furrowed brows didn’t pass unnoticed. _“I saw her the other day. She said she was trying to reach you.”_ Rue snorted loudly then, her jaw so clenched shut that made the sound coming from her mouth all the harsher, almost like a bark. _“Yeah, I know, but I kinda need to tell you something though.”_

“Yeah?” Rue’s voice was devoid of life in contrast to her stance that was buzzing with energy. It was almost like watching Midnight, Lexi’s black cat, preparing to attack, all fury, narrowed eyes and a fur so incredibly high that made the cat look like a hedgehog.

And so was the neurosurgeon pretending to be composed, as an eerie calm before the storm mood, like a hurricane getting ready to destroy everything around her.

 _“I kissed her. Kinda.”_ Oh, for fuck’s sake! _“I mean, we went for a drink, she asked about you and how you were doing and I said that you’re great, I know it’s a big fat lie, but I still said that you’re living the live and shit. She sorta looked maybe down for hearing it, which was fucked-up if you ask me,_ ” Lexi couldn’t control the snarl from her throat after hearing Jacobs, one who was sued by domestic violence after beating his ex-wife, calling out on someone else’s lack of manners or ill attitude. A snarl so loud that scared both doctors and had the skinny driver turning at her in confusion. _“Yeah, I know what happened, so yeah…”_ Rue was staring at her face with such a force behind her eyes that Lexi sucked a quivering breath and mouthed a small ‘sorry’ for her outburst. One that didn’t change the dark-skinned woman’s posture one bit. _“She said that Gia’s going to model for her new collection hitting New York Fashion Week runway and she wanted to make a debut out of it, with a big ass party or something. And she wanted to tell you, I didn’t know what to say, so, yeah…”_

“Huh” It was the sound her companion made and whoever this Gia person was, Rue seemed to be very upset after hearing about it. “You said you kissed her.” Or she was just mad that fucking Jacobs, the A team bastard, kissed her ex. It was understandable.

 _“She kind of kissed me, Rue.”_ Lexi rolled her eyes. What a fucker was this man!

“Did you sleep together?” Well, the therapist would have to give it to Maserati, it really had a very sturdy steering wheel ‘cause Rue was holding it with such anger that her knuckles were all white for such a dark-skinned woman. And Lexi was suddenly happy for New York’s traffic because it meant that the driver wasn’t about to maniacally start a crazy race or throw the car off a bridge.

 _“No! Of course not! Jesus, Rue! It wasn’t like that, okay?”_ Lexi scoffed again and almost instantly had piercing brown eyes staring at her face. _“She kissed me and said it was because she was happy,”_ It was Rue’s turn to snarl and Lexi shared the sentiment. What the hell is wrong with these people? _“yeah, ‘cause she said she finally had her last appointment and a doctor Audi-something was about to perform her final surgery and she couldn’t believe it took her so long to finally be the person she truly-“_

Whatever came out of the speakers after that was lost on Lexi. And she found herself too close to having another meltdown after hearing that doctor’s name. How many mental breakdowns can a person face in 24 hours without compromising the very foundation of the mind’s stability? ‘Cause surely she was about to set a new record right away.

Between Daniel’s suicide attempt, Edward’s psychopathic behavior, Janet verbally offending her, Steve and his inability to let things go and her personal advice that would certainly bankrupt Marcus, she already felt the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. But to throw Jacobs sounding almost human and learning that Matthew was fucking back to the States and about to go back to attending and performing surgeries. That was absolutely the last fucking straw.

How was Matthew even allowed back to medicine? How was he fucking back to the US without a single phone call? Would he even seek her or will her older brother simply live as if they had no blood connections now that erased the Howard roots from his life?

Because honestly, it couldn’t be her granddad because Leonel would never be found doing minimal surgeries. Also, because he was a trauma surgeon, probably because he loved the gory and the wreck he dealt with.

No, it had to be Matty. Her brother who somehow got his license back and came from his spiritual voodoo search within himself from New Zealand or Zambia or who the fuck knows?! Ready to go back to an OR after all the shit he pulled last time. After he had a fucking overdose of Adderall in the middle of an OR and left his younger sister, a general surgeon, to finish a plastic surgery. After being in a coma, life support and all, through almost ten days and nearly got his moronic ass behind bars for doing drugs and making plastic surgeries as high as a fucking kite!

After he said all types of hurtful things to both his sisters over his addiction and it was up to Lexi to throw him away in rehab to keep him clean as Cassie had to move all heavens to keep him from facing a 13 years sentence to jail.

Jesus Christ!

Okay, perhaps she was overstressing something that she clearly could be wrong about, right? Seeing that for all his sins – and the man had an endless list of those –, Jacobs didn’t actually say her family name, so it still could be another doctor.

Yes, she was going with this one: it wasn’t her brother. First because Nathaniel knew her family last name, or so she thought, and second because Matty would have given her a call first. He may be a stupid addict idiot, but he still cared about his sisters and Jamie – mostly Jamie – so, no, he wouldn’t ghost his nephew if he truly was in the same state as all of them.

“You look sick, doc. What’s up?” Rue called and she snapped her attention to the woman who was still glaring ahead. “If that’s because of Jules kissing my friend, you can rest assured that I’m okay. Mostly. I’m not going on a violent rampage to kill them both.”

There was Lexi, eyes wide open in a shock that could either be related to Rue lying between her very white teeth, knowing that her patient’s ex kissed someone she considered a friend, or, for all reasons, hearing that said friend was one Nathaniel Jacobs.

One absurd at time, she focused on her patient’s wellbeing.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Rue?” She asked because whatever was the nature of the woman’s relationship with Jacobs, it wasn’t her main problem. As it wasn’t her problem that chances were that her brother was about to become Jules’ surgeon. Well, maybe the latter was her problem a little bit, though she could always call, scold and bribe Matthew to drop this immorality whenever she was at her home alone. Assuming it happened to be true, of course.

First, she would have to make a research.

“So what? Are you going to psychoanalyze me right now?” Rue’s answer was bitter, as if Lexi was the one to be blamed for whatever Jules and Jacobs did. “This isn’t an appointment, Howard.” Then, the radio started to play a song as if the thing was haunted or the machines had started the plan of world domination and Lexi made a sound of surprise that took a little smirk out of her companion. The fact that the song playing was The Killers’ Romeo and Juliet was so silly that Lexi chuckled to herself and doctor Bennett rolled her eyes. “What?! It’s a nice song, kay?”

“I thought that Romeo and Juliet lethal love story was enough, Rue.” Her patient wore a grimace up to the moment she reminded her own statement and relaxed. “Though I’ll give it to you that it’s certainly better than punk rock.” Then Rue smiled a little one, almost shyly, and suddenly the atmosphere wasn’t so tense.

“Or K-Pop.” Rue said and Lexi gave a snort because it was so very true. “Or heavy metal.” She hummed in agreement because her state of mind was already wrecked enough to add yelling people with wild guitar riffs and loud drums on top of it.

“Or Britney Spears.” Then Rue turned to look at her very offended as if Lexi had insulted her whole family in one single breath.

“Hey, you wait a minute, doc! You oughta respect Brits, okay? She’s cool.” The neurosurgeon said all indignantly and the tiny shrink couldn’t help but to find the tall woman’s expression a lot endearing. Which led her to pull Rue’s leg a little more.

“You mean her auto-tune's cool, yes?” She bit her lip to contain her smile from growing and suddenly there was a pair of chocolate eyes turning to glare at her.

“Come on! The woman had a mental breakdown, shaved her fucking head and attacked people with an umbrella like Batman’s Penguin. Cut the girl some slack, will ya?” Rue said as crossly as she could, which made Lexi chuckle because for a defense approach, that speech was full of holes. “Besides, I though you loved crazies. She’s probably the vanguard of all craziness. There would never be a Miley or a Lindsey Lohan without the path being previously paved by Brits.” Then she was smirking, all playfully. Her patient surely had a thing for offending people.

“Well, I suppose only God can judge you, Rue.” Lexi offered and side-eyed the tall woman’s big childish grin as if she had won that foolish argument.

How come this insane day was ending like this? Bickering with a patient over Britney Spears!

“That’s better.”

There was a much calmer silence following this and Lexi found herself watching her companion singing along the last chorus of the song. True enough, doctor Bennett had a very beautiful voice.

_“Juliet, when we made love you used to cry  
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die."  
There's a place for us, you know the movie song  
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?”_

It came to her mind right then that ‘Juliet’, the name, had a resemblance to ‘Jules’ and maybe that was why Rue was so fond of the song. The lyrics though, they told another story. With a somber low tune that lulled the heartbreak of a love that was fated to crash and burn. A part of herself wanted to know a little more about her patient’s sad love story but she wasn’t going to ask, at least not right away. And as much as she liked to hear the other woman’s voice, it gave her a feeling of something being very off.

Not to mention that Lexi was already dead tired and dealing with Rue’s mood swings wasn’t a thing she wanted to pursue at the moment.

“So, in a list of 0 to Britney, ‘Britney’ being the most disturbed, how are you right now, Rue?” She asked to lighten the mood and her patient laughed lightly for a minute then turned to smirk at her face. Such action shouldn’t make Lexi feel so warm inside, yet, there she was.

“Honestly?”

“I would appreciate it more, yes.” She agreed still looking at her patient who was now chewing on her lips.

The conversation simply died and it wasn’t until another song with a haunted melody that had nothing on the lyrics came that Lexi heard Rue’s voice once again. Well, her melodic singing voice, anyway.

_“If finders were keepers, I'd still be at home  
Take it or leave it, I'll show you the ropes  
When you no longer see me  
I'll be gone_

_So much for answers, I don't have a clue  
I can hear ya, you're calling from outside my room  
You're still locked inside me  
Holding on”_

Rue was whisper-singing the song and humming along the beat with an intensity that left her psychiatrist believing that the previous conversation both were having was all but forgotten. Until:

“I really don’t know how to feel, Lexi.” The driver started and soon enough she was chuckling to herself as if she had her own internal joke to think about. “I mean, I can call you Lexi, right? ‘Cause this is not an appointment and I don’t think I could be psychoanalyzed anymore-“

“Yes, you can call me Lexi, Rue.” It was too charming how Rue was all shy and chattery all of sudden, saying her words in a string, probably an unconscious action and Lexi had to keep her face straight or soon she would be grinning along like a maniac.

“Oh, good! That’s very good… Right?” Rue then cleared her throat and proceeded her finger-tapping against the wheels. “Anyway, I guess it could be worse, huh? The shit about Jules, I mean.” Piercing brown eyes quickly turned to stare at her face with an unreadable look. Like a chocolate pool of swirling emotions about to overwhelm and drown both women like a volcanic eruption. “It’s just that… I don’t know, I’ve always had this feeling that I was a stepping stone in Jules’ life, you know? As if I was just a chapter in her book. And not even a good one at that, kinda like a 50 Shades of Grey badly written chapter-”

“Now that’s much too depressing.” Lexi said with an arched eyebrow still looking at her companion who had this wide-open smile as she bit her lower lip.

“Yeah, kinda. But it’s still true though.” The psychiatrist was forced to bite her tongue down to keep her from giving even more unsolicited opinions. “I mean, I was a fucking small part of her life and I made my life all around her. Like she was my whole damn book and I was barely a side fucking note, you got it?”

Oh, of course she got it. It would be hard not to when she spent her very short-lived marriage feeling exactly like that – as a mere supporting character on doctor Elise Lewis’ Show. So, well, it was too close for comfort.

The thing was that, as miserable as it sounded, Lexi could clearly see herself in that position, but picturing Rue going through the same thing… Well, that was actually the difficult part. Her patient seemed to be too larger-than-life to be merely a souvenir seating on someone’s shelf.

Because even subconsciously Lexi knew she reduced herself to fit the oh-so-beautiful redheaded neurosurgeon’s fancy life, the one who stroke awe and fear into every beating heart at the Presbyterian hospital and a fresh new nerdy, recently graduated in medicine, Italian girl who just started her residency and didn’t know any better, was never actually taught a thing, but had to learn it all from people watching could do nothing more than to follow the woman. It was pathetic, really, but not unexpected to be found in that predicament seeing that she was young and much too naive and Elise was in the place of power through their whole unbalanced relationship.

But picturing Rue in that dilemma… It nearly broke the psychiatrist’s heart.

“I do, Rue.” Well, how could she not understand it after all? This was a glaring truth she had to deal with every day. “Can I tell you something, though?” Before her companion could answer her question, Lexi decided to keep going – perhaps her unfiltered Thursday wasn’t going to end anytime soon. “She’s not the book of your life, Rue, ‘cause your life is not ending any time soon. And I need you to understand that, to embrace it, to own yourself and your life choices. So, whatever happened between the two of you, whatever she has done to you or you had done to one another, you are the writer of your own book. You are a bright, strong, smart and very witty woman and you need to know that you are the sun, Rue, not her.” After a long silence that stretched through the eternity, a low giggle was her only answer. Well, until that turned into a full-blown laughter from Rue. “What?” She blinked because from the endless case scenarios her mind came up with, hearing doctor Bennett laughing out loud was not one she had foreseen.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Her patient turned her mischievous stare and attractive smile towards her but kept her mouth shut – a deep contrast to her wandering eyes that seemed to read everything the shrink had to give all at once. From eyes, to mouth, to hair, to hands, to whole body and Lexi soon enough faced a hot wave engulfing herself, starting a fever that had her gulping and blushing all at once.

“What’s it, Rue?” If her voice came lower than normal, well, it wasn’t her brain’s fault. Okay, not consciously anyway.

Of course, doctor Bennett being the pain in her behind that she actually was, only kept her penetrating gaze traveling all over her with something akin to wonder. Or was it admiration? It was hard to tell. Either way, it was deeply disturbing and the way her brain was reacting to it was even more shocking than having her patient deeply staring at her, searching and discovering everything. Until Rue smirked-oh God!

“I just… There’s just something about you, it’s… I mean, well. I think you’re just different. Good different, of course. ‘Cause all psychos out there would be just asking me ‘oh, and how you feel about it?’ which’s crap, right? ‘Cause fuck! Yeah, I feel great, you piece of shit! Truly awesome to feel like the minor character, I love it.” Then Rue swore a little more to herself and clenched her jaw. “You’re not one of those, that’s all. You're... Not.” And that was a good change of pace for Lexi. Okay, not _good_ but less bad? Maybe? “Anyway, you are different and kind and I just… I like you.”

“Oh!” It was surprising to hear it from that specific patient whose face was blushing bright. Less surprising than the way her heart leaped inside her chest because that _was_ actually beyond terrifying.

“Yeah, and I’m glad I’ve met you. Just so you know.” Rue, all bashfully and pink faced, said in a low voice that had Lexi shyly biting her lower lip to kep her mouth shut because she was seriously an idiot. Not to say tired. Trust this woman to mess with her under any circumstances, even a polite ride was turned into… _this!_ Whatever this was. That was until Rue opened her mouth again. “And thanks, Lexi. I know you are tiny but you’re kinda big with big words and big advices and this big mind of yours-“

“Rue, I swear to God, if you repeat ‘big’ another time I’ll jump out of your car.” She playfully glared at the driver, still hot face from hearing that, who now sported a very troublesome, not to say charming, smirk - if Lexi blushed any harder from Rue's face alone, it was her own damn problem!

“I would be more worried if we weren’t already at the hospital, shortstack.” A bloody wink followed that absurdity and Lexi found her mouth hanging open and her heart skipping a beat at that irrationality. “You know, in spite of your small body, you do have a big heart, doc. A very lovable and good one at that.” Then Rue was biting her lower lip and muttering something that sounded like ‘among other things’ that made Lexi shut her mouth so fiercely that she had to add a dentist visit to her check-up list because maybe she just chipped a tooth- “And thanks for the ride.”

What?!

“You were the one driving, Rue.” She said because it was irrational to hear the woman thanking her for something she didn’t do.

The other _irrationalities_ that happened, Lexi dared not to entertain.

“Yeah, you just made it less stressing and kinda cool. So, thanks, Lexi.” But Rue wasn’t one to be bothered and just bit her lip – and Lexi had to gulp and straight herself up that comfy seat because what the hell was happening with her? Why was this particular patient messing with her so much? She really, _really_ needed a whole day sleeping this insanity away.

“Thank _you_ for the ride, Rue. You didn’t have to but I really appreciate it. Deeply.” She said with a shook of head to clear every intrusive thought away. Something that doctor Bennett didn’t pick or just decided to ignore.

“Well, I appreciated it just as deeply, shortstack.” Lexi narrowed her eyes at her flirty companion. This was getting out of hand too soon. “And say hi to Dany for me. Kid’s a lucky one to have you on his corner, doc.” A lopsided smile capable of hurrying her heart beats as an adrenaline shot followed that inadvisable sentence and the psychiatrist found her mouth suddenly very dry.

Jesus Christ!

_Just snap out of it, Alessia! You are a bloody grown woman, for crying out loud!_

“I will, doctor Bennett.” It was Rue’s time to glare at her face as affronted as she could. Lexi ignored and winked at her face instead – fuck knows why in hell she did it though. “Drive safe and thank you again. Have a good night, Rue.” Then she was out of her patient’s flashy car and waving a hand at the very impossible woman behind the wheels. Lexi was all smiley for reasons unknown.

Which was better not to know, of course.

With that in mind, she turned on her heels and sighed as she walked to St. Luke’s to visit Daniel who needed her more than ever. More than everyone.

Definitely more than the neurosurgeon who killed the engine and rolled her window down to watch her shrink marching into the damn hospital.

And Lexi didn’t turn around to look at her, not even once. No, sir! She was an intelligent and esteemed doctor who respected her profession and wouldn’t entertain a bloody thing with a patient to jeopardize her license. Whatever that thing with _doctor_ Bennett was, it certainly didn’t matter and wasn’t worth of losing her other patients.

No matter how much she wished she had a rear-view mirror to simply stare at Rue’s smiling face. Something that thankfully the taller woman would never know about.

* * *

After a small friendly chat with Samantha, the chief nurse, Lexi soon found out that Daniel was okay and in the same room she left him this morning. She replied with a wide smile and a whispered ‘thank you’ that got the other woman very confused. Because of course it would. The taller brunette had no idea how stressed the psychiatrist was about her patient’s state and how hearing about his case made her feel lighter than ever, as if she had lost over 200 pounds all of sudden.

“He’ll be thrilled to see you, doctor Howard.” Samantha said as she was taking the way to see Daniel to which Lexi replied with yet another smile, this time a tired one.

One can only hope.

Thankfully, the boy was still there as predicted, room 304, looking much too depressed for her liking. His parents were also keeping him company and trying to strike any kind of conversation with their very morose child and both greeted her as soon as she stepped inside the room after a polite knock on the door.

“Doctor Howard, it’s great to see you! Daniel is still a little down, I guess.” Mrs. Maguire, Dany’s mother, whispered with bloodshot blue eyes as she stared at her son, as tired and miserable as only a mother could feel in such impossible circumstances. And, as Lexi turned her eyes to see it for herself, she had to agree with the old blonde. Unfortunately, Daniel looked so down it squeezed her heart painfully and made her body ache with sadness.

The boy’s dirty blond hair was unkempt, his gray eyes were dark and cloudy, his hospital gown was very torn and from his expression, it seemed as if all life had abandoned his veins.

It was a frightening sight and a cold chill ran down her bones as she thought that this was it. She was about to lose another patient to depression and suicide. Was that really her life? Was she honestly doomed to lose everyone she ever cared about?

She watched Daniel’s mother and the woman’s quivering chin gave it away that, for all that was worth, Sarah had the same thing in mind. The retired model looked so much older than her 34-years and so utterly lost, her tearing eyes were simply contemplating her son, as if she was trying to commit Daniel’s lovely features to heart, to keep the boy safe and sacred forever in her mind.

Her husband though, that was a totally different matter. The man, after greeting Lexi, was all chatter and silly stories about his pals at work who were goofballs. Jared Maguire was also a truly handsome man, one that turned necks wherever he went, but, unlike his wife, who was magazine beautiful in an Aphrodite-ish way – unattainable and otherworldly –, Jared was handsome in an approachable way: the guy was talkative, kind, attentive and funny.

All things considered, they were the picture perfect family. And sure, Lexi had seen some of those crumbling, some of those that were just for show, some families that hid unimaginable secrets. But not this one. They were as honest and sincere as they could and she wasn’t basing her judgment only as Daniel’s doctor. No, she knew these guys for a little while.

Sarah was Matty’s first girlfriend and Cassie’s best friend back in college and Jared was her pets’ vet, so she kind of knew them outside her office. Which made it all even more heartbreaking. Which made seeing Dany like this a shot straight to her heart.

Which made the possibility of losing Daniel feel like a sick fucking joke to tear her apart, because Justin pierced a hole in her soul, of course. But Dany… To lose him would most definitely suck whatever was left of it out of her body.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, she wasn’t losing Daniel! She refused to!

“Hello, Sarah! Hi, Jared!” The man in question waved at her again without missing the tale he was sharing with his son. “Sadly, I believe this was to be expected in this case.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she tasted them: a sentence never tasted that bitter. Because any person who attempted to commit suicide would most likely be depressed. “Can I have a moment alone with Dany, please? Just to chat a little.” The tall blonde tall simply nodded with sad red eyes and her husband shut his mouth soon enough. “I’ll call you soon enough, okay?”

“Please, don’t let me lose my son, Alessia. He’s all I have.” It came in a whisper right before a pair of arms gripped her tightly and a blond mane covered her vision. Then came the quiet sobbing, as if woman didn’t want both males in the room to hear her or to know how deeply wrecked she felt. The action shook Lexi to the core and a few seconds later, she found her arms hugging the blonde just as close as she made shushing sounds.

“We won’t lose him, Sarah, he’s a strong boy who found himself cornered for a reason and took the closest turn he found. I just need to understand what happened and why, but he’s not lost and neither will he be, okay?” Because they weren’t there yet. She whispered in her pragmatic strong voice and, for a moment, Lexi didn’t know if she was trying to convince herself or the blonde. At the very least, it worked for Sarah, she was still unclear about herself though.

“Okay.” She said with a small smile and looked at her husband who, after hugging his son and Lexi, dragged his crying wife out of the room.

Before her mind could weep more for the family she was supposed to be helping, Lexi shook herself out of the haze and walked beside Daniel’s bed. ”Hey there, detective Maguire. How are you? How was your day?” Internally she was cringing at her oh so bloody insensitive and stupid choice of words. Outside she gave the boy’s hand a squeeze and a small smile.

Her answer though was a shrug of shoulders and eyes that roomed around without focusing on a single thing. That was alarming enough.

Because most people who attempt to kill themselves would often show any type of emotion or reaction to being hospitalized. They could either feel really guilty over their actions that had them on observation or they could feel even angrier because they didn’t accomplish what they had their minds set on it in the end.

But the thing that worried her the most was that Daniel was expressionless. And that was beyond petrifying because Lexi had no particular venue to take and go with ‘cause she had no read on his emotions.

So, to summarize his case and her approach: it was a leap of faith. A jump in the dark.

And she heaved a deep sigh. First from the tiredness and second for worrying so much because she wasn’t just Daniel’s psychiatrist here and, as one, not knowing what to do was utterly terrifying. Not seeing an open window, as small the openness could be, was a place she had never been and wouldn’t wish upon anyone – not even Jacobs.

“I didn’t do much, Lessi.” Then Daniel whispered with wide eyes and her heart was light again. “I’ve read some comics though.” She found herself tearing with a stupid smile as she battled the need to jump and hug the boy. Jesus, she was a train wreck!

So, it was a start, she sat on the boy’s bed as soon as she saw him scooting over and making space for her – it had always been his way of opening up through years of treatment – and decided to stay close to him and give him a one side hug.

“You did, huh? Was it any good?” Dany shook his negative and the tiny shrink was a step away from calling Marvel Comics and berating them for writing sad ass heroic stories, _stupidi idioti_! “Well, good thing I just brought new cases to update you, detective Maguire.” With that and a folder full of blank sheets, she passed him a set of pens and pencils and saw a big smile followed by a ‘yay!’ coming from the boy as both decided to go on their adventures of drawing.

In spite of the hard work she had to arrange their drawing session, it was all worth when Dany beamed at her face and decided to delve into whatever he was sketching to show her – his very personal way of sharing things, seeing that he wasn’t much of a talker and just loved showing his things and explaining them through long adult-ish sentences and a lot of spins and turns, because he surely was an artist at heart. One that saw, observed and felt everything; one who never ceased to amaze his psychiatrist.

“I think doctor Thompson, the bald one, is having an affair with a blonde nurse though.” The boy whispered and Lexi stared at his face wide-eyed. “When they came to see me, they had this look in their eyes that mom and dad use to give each other. Like they’re keeping a secret or something.” Oh! Trust a kid, even a depressed one, to pick the minimal changes that no adult cares enough to give another look.

“Or maybe they committed a felony together and are trying to be subtle about it.” At that, Daniel’s eyes got comically large, like an anime of sorts, and Lexi chuckled under her breath.

“Oh! I’ve never thought about it…” The blond just put his pen down for a moment as he rolled the possibility over and over again in his head. “I don’t wanna go back home until we crack this case, Lessi. I can help from the inside.” Daniel said without looking away from his paper and the tiny doctor had to bite back a grin after hearing it.

“That’s fair, ‘cause we really need your eyes and insight on this one, detective Maguire. I wouldn’t ask you that, but I think you are the only one capable of coming with a solution here.” Daniel dropped everything and turned his now tenacious gray eyes to her face with a quick nod, as if he was accepting his new mission and ready to throw himself to the wolves to solve this case. And Lexi… Well, she couldn’t remember being this calm and glad in a very long while.

Because this was progress. As small as most people could deem it worth, but he was back to paying attention to people around him and interacting with them and, as much as he didn’t want to go back home, he was still there, in the present, he was still-

“Wow! Hey there! Is here where I can find Super Daniel by any chance?” A voice, _that voice!_ , came from the door and Lexi almost snapped her neck looking at the person lazily, and charmingly, standing against the wall and what the-

“Rue?!” It couldn’t be real! Her mind must have shut down and she fell asleep walking because that was surely fucking impo-

“My name’s Daniel, I guess...”

“Hey, doc! Fancy seeing you here.” Sparkling eyes turned to admire her very shocked features until they turned to her side. “And nice to meet you Daniel, I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, kid.” Then that _ghost_ or was she a mere conception of her imagination?! She couldn’t be real, maybe Lexi reached her brain’s capacity limit and it was its the way of showing her how fucking tired she was that she was imagining people interacting- “It’s very nice to meet you, Daniel, I’m doctor Bennett. But, ya know, my friends call me Rue.” There was a wiggle of eyebrows and Lexi turned to see Daniel shaking hands with a fucking ghost-

“I’m Daniel, nice to meet you, Rue.” What the hell was happening?! “So that means you and Lessie are friends?” Dany turned his inquisitive eyes to Lexi’s face and all she did was gulp.

Okay, so she wasn’t dreaming neither was she going crazy, or so she hoped – please God, not _now!_ – and Daniel was actually introducing himself to _doctor_ Bennett, one she was _so_ going to scold for this nasty trick she pulled-

“Yeah, I guess you could call us that, huh, Lex?” The addressed psychiatrist ignored her tired heart that fell for that nonsense of a flirtation as she turned her face to see that idiotic lopsided smirk, all _smize_ , and a tiny bite of lower lip coming from that minion of darkness of a woman. Instead she gave _doctor_ Bennett a glare so cold and enraged that put both White Walkers and upcoming winter in Winterfell to fucking shame. There was no way in hell- “Anyway, this one’s yours.” Doctor Bennett whispered at her as she offered a paper cup and a smile, the idiot! “You can drink it, it’s not poisoned, just normal crappy coffee from a hospital and shit.” Lexi’s glare though was still unwavering. Even after grumpily picking the cup and taking a sip – it was true, the coffee was simply an abomination! Even after she felt more than saw a wide grin coming from the unbearable woman.

“Then I guess you’re my friend too.” Her glare softened as she turned to Daniel to see the innocent boy smiling a little at that hellish soulless being made of pure evil whose sole purpose was to wreck Lexi’s fucking life apart and- “Right, detective Howard?” Daniel was grinning and _Bennett_ was fucking smirking and oh how much she wished she could slap that cynical smile out of her patient’s face!

“Yeah, detective Maguire.” She whispered instead but kept her eyes locked with the tormenting woman standing right in front of her.

Doctor Rue Bennett, all smirks, just stood in front of her in a pristine white coat to match her also pristine white teeth that Lexi wanted to punch and bit her lip with an arched eyebrow.

“Well, then I guess it’s settled. Now tell me about your day, detective Maguire. I couldn’t help but to hear that you have this new big case coming-”

So, without any kind of invitation, the dark skinned woman was suddenly sitting with the duo, as if she belonged there and, if she saw or felt Lexi’s withering glare, she plainly ignored it, because that was doctor Bennett – a big flirty, way too moody, very pretty, unbearably nosy, unfairly charming and fucking inconvenient hell of a patient. One that Lexi still had no idea how to deal with.

The worst part though was feeling so awkwardly warm as she saw both patients chattering and grinning to one another like old mates.

No, screw that! The worst part was being unbelievably happy to be there with them, even when she had to sit still and face the herculean quest of ignoring _doctor_ Bennett's smoldering eyes and easy smile at her face. But she did, she focused on her atrocity of a coffee and not on her heart leaping whenever Rue chuckled under her breath.

Well, fuck! It seemed like she was up for another endless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, folks. i don't know if you're still up for this, but anyway, here we go.  
> mistakes are mine, as always.  
> ¹ in Italian: three ungrateful bastards.
> 
> have a good one.

**Author's Note:**

> hey, guys! guess I'm back, huh?  
> I hope you all had happy holidays and a good new year 'cause mine is being a fuck storm so far.  
> mistakes are mine as always and I hope you like this new crap.  
> would love to hear your feedback and comments.  
> have a good one! xoxo


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